Get a life: Work-life mentor

I WANT to inspire courage, confidence and freedom. I want the courage to reject anything that keeps me stuck, oppressed or living in fear.

Aaarrgghhhh! Imagine being haunted and feeling trapped. I promote the good life, the balanced life, the quality life. And because we’re not made to last forever, I propose we live our best life. It’s our “best life” when we’re free to express our self and confident enough so we become our most effective, most successful self. Inspire…. to move the spirit, to permeate the soul, to fill with passion, to galvanise into action. The nerve! What audacity to even think I can do this. Rick Warren, who sold 30 million copies of his book, The Purpose-Driven Life, says the way we live now is how we will live forever. I agree. One day my heart will stop beating and that will be the end of my body, but not the end of me. As a coach-mentor, I work with individuals and organisations to increase performance capability. Knowing that I’m in “dress rehearsal” for eternity adds rich meaning to my job of driving transformation. Everywhere I go people are struggling. We’re running so hard, yet we’re distressed, confused and frustrated. And isn’t it sad that indifference amongst family is so pervasive? I can just picture a super-satisfied Satan talking to his legions of fallen angels. “Hah, keep wives busy so they’ll be too tired to pay attention to their husbands. Put skimpily-clad bimbos on billboards and on TV screens so that husbands find their wives unattractive!” Could our hopelessness come from not having a sense of ownership, of control? From their expressions, people seem resigned to this type of life. “I’m just a (worker) so what can I do?” How sad. If only they knew the source of their magical powers, and all within easy reach too.

So what exactly am I working to change? Isn’t life just a series of problems? We’re either in one, just coming out of one, or getting ready to get into one. As I look at myself now from a larger perspective of time and space, I ask: “How much of a struggle would I consider this to be three years from now?” I’ve learned to see problems as opportunities… to invest and apply my creativity, my talents, and my strengths.

Some problems are stupid problems because they diminish us as human beings. Step away from those ones. A person is most influenced by the five (plus two) people he spends most time with. Choose to spend time only with people who lift you up. Lift yourself up… by changing your perception of yourself. Because we cannot manage what we’re not conscious of, I can help you bring things into your awareness, thus bringing clarity to your thoughts. I can evoke new meanings and induce certain emotions in you so that you’ll make better decisions and move in a different direction. I can show you ways to use language in order for you to have the things you want when you want. I can show you how nothing needs to make you feel bad. I can help you see what’s truly important to you and together we can create a more powerful self-image, a more positive self-identity, a stronger personal brand you can operate from and do the things you can be proud of. Problems that have been solved are called “knowledge.” Realising the wealth of knowledge that already exists, isn’t it silly not to tap into other people’s genius? Someone said, “Standing on the shoulders of giants, we can see forever…” I’m so glad I’ve had the opportunity to work with Dr Michael Hall and Michelle Duval, two of the most illustrious names in coaching. I’m fortunate to have been a student to Deepak Chopra, Dr Wayne Dyer, Jack Canfield and Ken Wilber. I wish I’d known them sooner – would’ve saved me many embarrassing moments, so much money, precious time, and several important relationships. I wish I’d known about self-awareness then. I’d have been better able to project my self-esteem and manage my state. How to gleam like a diamond when you think you’re a stone? I can’t imagine having to deal with life if I were as under-equipped as before.

Effective means working on things that produce the best results. Efficient means doing these things in good time. Since we all have an expiry date, why not “quantum leap” straight to the good life? Especially since the blueprints are available. Live in fear or freedom, it’s your choice.

Do step off the whine train

Q. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I can’t seem to get myself motivated. Everything I do seems meaningless.

Many people can do what I do, so what’s the point of making a big deal about my work? My job is only a small portion of what I want out of life and even that I can’t enjoy. Everything I do seems useless. There are so many who can do better than me. Sometimes I know I’m good and other times I feel small.

A. You’re doing the “I’m a poor sod” routine. Feel better? A good whine every now and again can help, if you know when to put a cork in it! So how exactly does it help to run yourself down? You sound like an expert on discounting. Every time you minimise something you do, you create the self-fulfilling prophecy that you’re not that hot after all. You want that? Fine. Picture yourself in a year’s time, going, “Oh dearie me.” Not an attractive way to age; let me tell you. So what do you want exactly? To feel motivated, to be recognised, to feel like you’re worth something? Yeah, like everyone else on the planet! First thing you do is to stop comparing yourself with other people. Focus on yourself. Get really good at what you can do well. Success – think of it as a journey. I prefer to celebrate every victory, no matter how small, rather than to wait for the big win, wouldn’t you? It’s a lot more fun that way. Sometimes when we get half way, we find that, “Hey, this is not for me,” and then we decide to change path. Perfectly OK. Enjoy the ride is what I’m saying.

Meaning and performance are inter-connected; the more meaning, the better the performance. Where does meaning come from? Where do feelings come from? That’s right. From now on, decide how you want to live and how you want to feel. Out-of-control human ‘volcano’ Q. I have a very bad temper. I know that. I don’t mean to upset anyone... it’s just I can’t control myself. I feel bad afterwards. I feel guilty and ashamed. I usually work overtime to make amends and my friends understand, but sometimes it gets me into trouble. People often joke about it. “Here comes the volcano,” they say. I’m so afraid I’ll say something that would really hurt someone.

A. I want to take a moment here and say, “Fantastic.” To me, anyone who has the courage to own up to their weakness deserves respect. Admitting we are faulty is the first step towards healing and recovery. Often a person’s greatest potential comes from developing their weaknesses. Anger on its own is just an emotion. And emotion is energy in motion. Let’s just deal with the emotion and not judge it at this point, OK? Emotions usually have trigger points. When you feel yourself starting out on the continuum of anger, i.e. working your way from mild irritation to frustration to full blown rage; pick a point before it hits midway. Mark that spot as the place you will retreat… even if you must physically remove yourself from that space. Break state by having a drink, using the loo, calling a friend. This needs you to be self-aware. This takes practice. It’s not easy, trust me, I’m still doing it. Interrupt the energy before it escalates, before it results in something you don’t want.