GET A LIFE: Work towards future perfect

WE were pioneering creativity and new technology in education and I remembered having to fill out some application forms. Within small spaces, we were expected to describe what we aimed to achieve.

I wondered how best to fit our humongous, audacious dream into those little boxes. The biggest challenge proved to be convincing high-browed officials, assuring them that our mission was altogether doable.

Eventually we decided the easiest way to illustrate our vision was to showcase the type of graduate we would create.

To this day – by being and doing – the founder teaches us lessons in tenacity and determination. From his story we know it’s possible to profit from change. We learn how one reinvents and innovates to stay relevant and stay ahead. His uncanny ability to succeed despite the odds has earned him unprecedented worldwide reputation and many coveted international awards. Malaysia can, and he has done us proud.

Today we are divorced. Many still attempt to draw me away from all that I know and love. More than a year ago now, in this very same space, I opened my heart to you, and you responded with warmth and kindness. Everyday my mailbox floods with messages from readers and well-wishers.

Some people think I’m about healing the wounded. Many invite me to their pity party. But sob stories are boring. They do nothing to lend strength to the afflicted. People tire of cry-babies.

Secretly or not, everyone aspires to be a winner. It’s hard-wired in all of us to want to succeed. Not doing well is simply unnatural. When we’re not flying high, we don’t function properly. We become sick.

Now more people understand I’m a performance coach. I work to take business from good to great. What I do empowers. What I do accelerates learning, progress and transformation. I’m able to drive peak performance. No, not in some wishy-washy way that’s talk-talk and no action. When I work, we can measure outcomes. You can ask “how exactly?” and we can find out.

I’m about equality and mutuality, synergy, trust and confidence. I promote self-awareness, self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-discipline… as fundamentals for self-actualisation.

When we have these, we can do well. We can only be successful when we’re intentional.

I’ve mapped you a plan for your success. I’ve worked (hard) for you to improve your sensory acuity. Listen. Observe. Know rather than not know.

I’ve invited you to stay “meta,” to pay attention to patterns and structures, not get lost in the content. I’ve stopped short of insisting that you learn to communicate effectively, powerfully. When you can do this, you will have influence.

Stop cowering. Stop snivelling. Stop doubting. Stand up. Stand tall. Stand firm. Remember you’re unique, brilliant, and masterful. You can do many things well. Never let anyone decide your worth.

I’d give my life for the greater good. Despite my mixed-up heritage, I’m a patriot to the core. I believe you are too. So let’s work together. Amidst this chaos – financial and political — let you and I take charge of our own destiny.

Look around. Notice what’s not working. I dare you to go counter-intuitive. Practice some upside-down thinking. Ask yourself “what must I do?”

Your intuition cannot lie because it’s there to protect you. The answers you come up with will confirm what you already know. It will show you truth you may’ve been too afraid to admit.

The 21st Century is not only time and space sensitive but it’s people-centered. Inter-connectedness, sometimes referred to as technology or globalisation, shrinks the universe.

Speed and efficiency become factors of competitive advantage. People are better-informed. From this, we experience the explosion of choice.

Suddenly we’re dealing with the need to fulfil intangible desires. More and more, it’s becoming an economy based on human satisfaction. Anything ordinary will be rejected. To thrive we must find new perspectives on strategy. We must practice new levels of flexibility. And we must do this in real time or on demand.

Only those who know how to turn conventional wisdom on its head will thrive. Creative thinkers rule! Proprietary expertise or cheap resources won’t be enough.

Innovation must alleviate complexity, cut red tape, push new products, create new markets, and add new value to existing markets. Assuming people are idiots is mistake No 1. Old hats, paper pushers, yes-sir, no-sir process followers will perish.

Living our best life is the only way to insure our future perfect. This knowing forms the basis of all I do. I work to build awareness and openness. Politicians call this transparency. We need to build ego-strength so we have courage to see what is. Strength in diversity, in our differences, may be counter-intuitive. What if it were true?

IS IT GUILT OR RESENTMENT?

Q. “Am I boring you?” my girlfriend asked. She’d been mumbling for half an hour. I was busy and I didn’t look up. “Seeing lovers walking by hand-in-hand depresses me,” she said. (Or something like that.) I wasn’t paying attention. Then she said: “I don’t mean to be a burden. I’m going.” Then I felt guilty about having ignored her.

A. Is it guilt you’re feeling, or resentment? Obviously your being unavailable to your girlfriend was NOT OK and she was making it known to you. Question is, was she telling you she was depressed, or angry about it? If depression is anger turned inward, you might want to talk to her about what she was really angry about, or whom she was angry at.

Let’s assume for this discussion, that she wasn’t aware of her hostile feelings. I could ask the level of her self-esteem.

What prevented her from just coming right out and asking for your time and attention, instead of soft-pedalling? Then again, if she feels she’s a burden, she may actually be harbouring hostility towards herself, not you.

I don’t know enough to analyse further. Why not take her literally then? Give her what she asks for. Practice straight-taking and cut off all the neurotic double-speak.

Do a complete self-examination as well. What kind of a boyfriend are you? One whose woman resorts to this to get his attention? Tut tut!

HONEST JOE VS DEVIL DAN

Q. Why do the bad guys always get the girls and enjoy the good life? How come those who are less than honest, those who know how to spice up a story (even when the real thing is dull as ditch water) always get the ear of the boss, and climb up the success ladder? Does sin have double meaning – one for Honest Joe and another for Devil Dan?

A. If sin means breaking the rules, then one must ask, “whose rules?” I believe rules are made to protect something that is more important than itself, such as marriage, reputation, peace and truth.

To view the subject superficially is only being short-sighted, don’t you agree?

So maybe we define sin as destructive habits?

Nobody wants dreary, boring sameness. To quote your metaphor, we can say variety is the spice of life. And because human beings know ourselves through others, that is, by our relationships, what we all seek is a sense of belonging. Our identity is everything. We thrive where there is laughter, satisfaction, and delight.

Whatever ruins this causes separation – for example jealousy, pride, anger, infidelity, fibbing or cheating. Isolation destroys this harmony. This brash behaviour causes friction that leads to misery and pain. It destroys communities and leaves people lonely. Besides we don’t know about the behind the scenes high stakes horse-trading.

So while all may look fine and dandy above sea level, chances are that waters are choppy below deck. So hang in there, sailor!

Tessie Lim is the Founder of World Center of Personal Excellence, a company she set up for the purpose of enabling and driving dreams through facilitating and realising potential, defining purpose and meaning for an optimal life. She is a certified performance coach with an extensive background in behavioural psychology, marketing, business and education. You may write to her at tess@wpx.com.my. Letters will be edited for length and clarity.