Wine and the kids

MY question is about whether or not it is legal, safe and desirable to give my two teenage sons small portions of wine at the dinner table.

For generations of parents and children growing up in the world’s wine regions, this has never been a difficult question. Young children at the family meal have traditionally received a spoon of wine in their water at family meals, a kind of ritualistic bonding exercise that both solidifies their position as part of the group and conveys the idea that wine is a food. Teenagers might get a small glass of their own, cementing the connection between wine, food and family, with the additional benefit of exercising their palates.

When my kids were younger I skipped the spoonful. They were not much interested in wine, apart from the occasional sip at a seder (a traditional Jewish feast) or of something unusual. But when they were teenagers, 15 and 16, I thought it was time to offer them small tastes at dinner, if they were in fact interested.

Around that time, my wife went to a programme about alcohol and teenagers arranged by several high schools on the Upper East Side.

The idea was to discuss the dangers of alcohol abuse and bingeing behaviour. Experts offered presentations and to make a long story short my wife and other parents were unsettled and shaken by all that was said. On discussing the event with my wife we decided not to begin offering a little wine at the table.

I was not really comfortable with that decision, though. I wondered what the unintended consequences might be. I decided to try to find out for myself whether the notion of introducing teenagers to wine with dinner was as dangerous as the audience at that program perceived it to be.

Now, obviously I have a bias. I get a great deal of pleasure out of wine and hope my children will, too. But I’m also a parent and obviously nothing is more important to me than the safety of my kids. I tried to go about this in an objective way, separating fact from fear mongering and feeble thinking. The bottom line is there are no right answers, only what’s right and comfortable for you and your family.

That said, I think we can all agree that alcohol abuse is a real and serious problem for teenagers and young adults in their 20’s. The paramount question is what’s the best method for giving young people the skills for safe and appropriate enjoyment of beverages like wine and beer - I will leave aside the question of cocktails and spirits because I don’t really see a scenario where you would teach those under 21 about enjoying them.

Let’s toss aside religious beliefs. If your religion forbids alcohol, that’s the bottom line. Let’s also toss away those who advocate a sort of libertarian “they’re going to drink anyway, so they may as well get drunk in my home’’ attitude. That’s just irresponsible. No parent should condone drunkenness. And insisting on strict abstinence until 21 may be equally irresponsible. It’s true that not every teenager experiments with alcohol, but such a rigid stance, I think, fosters secrecy and recklessness rather than responsible behaviour.

Now, let’s also eliminate households where alcohol is already a problem, where there is drunkenness or violence, or even regular cocktail hours, or where kids have a pattern of irresponsible behaviour. From speaking with a range of experts I don’t think it’s possible in such an environment to teach young people about the pleasures of wine.

That said, I was surprised that most of the experts I spoke with, whether psychiatrist, academic, or advocate against alcohol abuse, agreed that in a household where wine is regularly served with meals, and where there is not an alcohol issue, violence or a communication problem, young people might experience some degree of protection against future alcohol abuse by being offered small tastes of wine.

It’s not a sure thing, of course. But the research seems to indicate that it can help by teaching children that wine is a ceremonial beverage that we drink for its taste and for how it goes with food, and that the point of drinking is not drunkenness.

Not everybody thought that was a sufficient reason to begin giving teenagers tastes of wine.

“I think it’s healthy that if kids are around that kind of drinking, and if they see alcohol as part of the food world, that’s healthy,’’ said Brenda Conlan, a health educator who travels to schools around the world in an effort to prevent teenage alcohol and drug abuse.

“I think the difference is that we don’t have a society that supports youth drinking. Our culture needs to be in synch with what the family is doing.”

I’m not sure how to respond to that argument. Even in European countries with a winemaking tradition, teenage alcohol abuse is a problem. Fewer families in France and Italy drink wine regularly at the table, for example, than they did 25 years ago, and kids there have the same temptations nowadays that they face here. But the small amount of research that exists seems to suggest that those teenagers who are schooled in the home in Europe about wine and food are less likely to abuse alcohol. Whether that research can be applied to American society is an open question.

Not surprisingly our society spends a lot more time focusing on how to avoid excesses and abuses than it does on how to enjoy wine or beer constructively. Even aside from the politics and legal issues, too many variables like the home environment make that a difficult topic to approach with confidence.

Then, the issue of teenagers and driving which is always framed with questions about driving.

We live in Manhattan and neither of my teenagers drive yet, nor do their friends. But they will soon.

The rules have to be ironclad there: No getting behind a wheel if you’ve had even a sip of alcohol. No getting into a car if the driver has had a sip of alcohol. If you’re ever stuck somewhere, I’ll come get you no questions asked.

Clearly this whole issue is thorny. As I said before, every family has to make its own decisions. My wife and I have yet to agree precisely on how to handle it. But we are takling about it. — NYT