If there is one thing that remains a constant throughout life, it is our propensity to experience disappointment in various guises.
In our career, from time to time, we will be disillusioned and face seemingly unsurmountable obstacles. In our life, people will let us down. And significantly, there will times when you will let yourself down, and be disappointed with your own behaviour.
It is impossible to buttress ourselves from disappointments or failure. More importantly, as I say to all the participants in my executive leadership coaching programme, you will need to focus time, energy, and effort on how to bounce back from these setbacks.
We will face disappointments when our businesses flail, or the market-place shifts. Staffing woes and intrapersonal personal issues will distress us. When friends and confidants "turn" on you for no apparent reasons, it will disenchant you.
These are some of the types of disappointments we all face. Perhaps, you are dealing with a disappointment right now, too?
Whether someone you trusted and loved, let you down; or something at your workplace or business didn't go accordingly; or your life isn't where you want it to be; at times, the world just seems to have a way of kicking us, especially when we are already down.
But do not allow these setbacks to control your emotions, and end up defining you. Naturally, some disappointments are small and have a minimal impact. Nonetheless, there are also others that will make you feel like "the end of the world" is looming.
Obstacles are a reality in any endeavour, but the disappointments you face can serve as a catalyst for your personal growth. You will have to learn from them to advance, rather than regress with fear and debilitation.
Here are a few things that I recommend you do, to overcome disappointments.
Purpose drive realignment
Start by realigning with your purpose drive. This forms the foundation for any recovery. Revisit the core of why you want something, or chose a particular path. When you have rediscovered it, you will find strength and the wherewithal to overcome temporary obstructions.
Your ability to rise from any discontent is based on your mental and physical strength. A keen sense of your strengths and weaknesses, coupled with a strong support network will help you.
Take ownership of the setback
It is much easier to just get upset with the world when you feel disillusioned. Remember that your biggest failing is when you do not take responsibility for your own actions.
Process your hurt, but be vigilant against playing the blame game or painting yourself as a "victim." Instead, focus on your role in the setback. This will teach you how to avoid the same missteps in the future. When you take this attitude to manage disappointments, you will find that your mind recalibrates to find solutions.
While you might feel the pain of your disappointment, understand that as you work through your emotions, things will get better. This will help you see opportunities for progressing out of a mind-set that is incapacitating to become pragmatic about your life.
From experience, I have realised that many of my setbacks have just been camouflaged opportunities. For instance, losing money in a business taught me to be better at commercial financial management; being kicked-out from the board of directors in a company that I actually founded, showed me how to secure my shares and interests in a corporate setting; being taken to an industrial tribunal, schooled me on reading my employees better, and not simply trusting an employee who is cloyingly nice to me.
Support network
The next thing that helps you bounce back from setback is having the right people around yourself. I have worked hard at cultivating and surrounding myself with the right support network. My wife, parents, business partners, and a select group of close friends offer me tremendous support, which helps me overcome my disappointments.
Be careful not to pick folks who will fuel your anger, or just drive you deeper into self-doubt. Look instead for people who are solution-oriented, and are skilled at empowering others. You can attract people like this by being interested in associating with individuals who have verve, vigour, enthusiasm and who have reflective insights into life.
Hang out with people like, and not the downtrodden types.
Be strategic
Finally, always be strategic. I ask my executive leadership coaching clients to do "action-research." This means that you need to reflect on your own actions, and keep a tab on how you behave or respond to situations and stimuli. This helps you understand your own motivations.
It will teach you to the read the signs and signals of behaviour patterns that do not resonate with you. And, it will help you create strategies to avoid, and overcome future disappointments.
Life is going to throw the proverbial kitchen sink at you. The real question is – are you prepared?
*The writer is managing consultant and executive leadership coach at EQTD Consulting. He is also the author of the national bestseller 'So, You Want To Get Promoted?'