YOU’VE got your bags packed and your Malaysian flag is neatly folded in your carry-on luggage. You’ve perfected your smug look for when you tell friends you are off to London to watch the Olympics.

You’ve bought your neck cushion to ease the strain of that gruelling 12-hour flight and in your guidebook, you’ve circled all the restaurants, and boutiques you plan to visit.

For the rest who are prevented from becoming the quintessential Olympic tourist due to financial, professional or personal reasons, the following is for you.

As a Malaysian Londoner, I am here to give those of you stuck at home watching the Olympics at 4am on Astro, your own reasons to be smug.

Let’s start with your arrival at Heathrow airport. After spending half a day in an airplane (knowing your luck, you would have sat next to an ardently vocal baby), Malaysians would have to endure the long immigration queues that have been getting some attention in the British Press since May.

The queues made news in celebrity Twittersphere last month, with Joan Collins and Al Roker complaining about the long wait to their loyal followers.

Fine, so you’ve made it through Heathrow and, miraculously, it’s not raining. Your next hurdle (pardon the pun) will be the steep price of accommodation. According to booking website. Hotels.com, the average hotel room between July 27 and Aug 12 is a staggering RM795 (£160). This is an increase of 75 per cent from the same period last year.

To make things even worse, even if you are organised enough to book your room in advance, your forethought will not pay off. According to Hotels.com, accommodation rates have started to drop due to smaller demand than initially anticipated. Some rooms are currently as cheap as £59, depending on the date of stay.

“We are seeing promotional prices starting to come through and we expect this trend to continue,” says Seamus MacCormaic of Hotels.com.  

Then there is the matter of food. London is a culinary treasure trove filled with incredible enclaves of specialist foods and drink. However, inside the Olympic village, prices are extortionate and choice, non-existent. A 500ml bottle of Coke will put you back RM11. Even if you are feeling frugal and opt for water instead, be prepared to cough up RM8.90.

If you are not a fan of Coca Cola, McDonalds, Cadbury Nature Valley or Heineken, then you are in for a tough ride. Although there will be other food outlets available, these four companies will offer up the only branded content during London 2012. They plan to serve a staggering 14 million meals.

On a happier note, if you are a life-long lover of McDonalds, you’re in luck. The Olympic Park branch of the fast-food giant will be the largest in the world.

If you plan to escape the confines of your expensive hotel room or have grown tired of Big Macs, then do not plan to get anywhere quickly. Londoners have been bombarded with posters on the Tube network for months, reminding them to plan routes in advance to get ahead of the Games. There is even a website called getaheadofthegames.com that Transport For London set up for this very purpose.

However, all this planning has yet to instil much faith in the ability of the public transport system to deal with the added stress of the Olympics.

Earlier this year, Network Rail chief executive Sir David Higgins warned that “bad things will happen” to the transport system during the Games. It’s not an empty threat. According to LBC, London’s largest talk radio station, there are six tube stations that should be avoided during the Games and seven mainline stations to steer clear of.

There will be no respite for drivers either as they have to navigate the 175kms of roads in the capital that fall inside the Olympic Route Network (ORN) or the 48km of road designated as Game Lanes.

Game Lanes are for the exclusive use of the Olympic Family, which is made up of a fleet of 1,500 coaches and nearly 4,000 BMWs for officials and VIPs.

So there you have it — queues, transport, food and rent. These are some of the reasons why we Londoners aren’t enthused by the invasion of Olympic mania. Indeed, a fair number of us would rather sit at home with you, with some take-out from the local mamak store and a trusty Astro remote, safe in the knowledge that we can turn it off any time we like.