When popping the question raises more questions

IS MARRIAGE THE ANSWER? It's more about the family and society than what the couple want

WHICH relationship is more destined for marriage: the one in which you support each other in everything you do or the one that keeps challenging you and keeps you on your toes?

One choice seems to be new and exciting; a person who challenges you, makes you a better person by never making it easy or too comfortable, so that you could grow within the relationship.

The other seems boring and predictable; a person who always has your back and wants to be supportive and involved with as many aspects of your life as possible.

People have become slaves to competitiveness, the rat race and gender equality so much so that it sometimes seems like it messes up the balance of what a relationship was always meant to be.

Is agreeing healthier than challenging your logic, decisions or the way you think?

Which is the perfect cocktail of what makes a relationship work enough that it might lead to a question being popped?

With the changing times, marriage and age-old customs are being tossed out the window.

I recently told my grandmother that I was seeing someone now and that we were quite serious.

It's the first time I had divulged such personal information to her, so the questions came like rapid fire. I really can't blame her for her reaction as she asked, "Did you meet her parents and how are they towards you?"

When she learned that I hadn't, she had a very confused look on her wrinkled face as she asked me, "How would you marry her?"

My grandmother is no stranger to the changing times so her question was more to do with my impending age when I won't be marriage material anymore. And here I was living in this bubble where I never knew a man could be asked this question.

It isn't much of a surprise that a recent Bernama report indicated 2.5 million Malaysians aged 25 and above are unmarried.

This would have been unheard of 10 years ago. Are these 60.4 per cent men and 38.6 per cent women the generation that finally refuses to conform to societal pressure or is it just a case of shifting priorities?

For men it was revealed that finance was the biggest stumbling block while for women it was inability to find a suitable candidate.

So despite modernism, despite gender equality and advances of technology, we are still the same people. Men still are "burdened" by bringing home the income while women are still looking for their ideal.

So I ask myself, is marriage the viable answer when a couple feels they have "reached that place" in their relationship? And do we really need to lead down that path of financial disaster?

Wouldn't a savvy investor relate to a marriage the same way he would to buying shares in a company without a financial record or any assurances that can be held in court, if needed of course?

I'm convinced that the path was created by society that wants to keep having a say in your life, to make sure you are still bound by their rules and can't really escape pretty much anything.

The reason I often frown at marriage is because a couple often believe that it is their "duty" to get married. Duty? Obligation? Isn't that putting more weight on your shoulders?

Weddings aren't for the couple. It is for their parents and relatives.

If weddings are for the couple then why do I always hear the same complaints: "His mother wants it this way, but her father insists on this", and it seems endless.

The pressure for a wedding to be "perfect" is another burden. Flowers, bridal make-up and costumes, photography and videography, dinner, religious ceremonies and so on.

Doesn't it make you cringe at the thought? Where has all this build-up come from?

I wonder what my grandmother would say if I told her that I want to get hitched on an island by an Elvis lookalike pastor, with curry puffs and iced lemon tea for the guests and on the same day the missus and I would be off to an undisclosed island for a 25-day honeymoon.

Case closed, over and done with. Oh yeah, and dress code is tee-shirts and shorts, blue and white.

Maybe I could bring the idea up gradually as my grandmother is a sweetheart and I don't want her thinking I've lost it completely.