My daughter recently came home with a strange request, as all students were required to wear pajamas to college the next day since it was "PJ day".
She was happy and yet a bit troubled, considering our family has specific dress codes.
Dresses for formal wear, for shopping, for church and then home dresses and pajamas for bedtime.
This is a sort of unwritten code in our family and has been for generations.
So, how do we overcome this change — modern times where teens are in charge and they take leadership to introduce certain activities?
Leadership can take many forms, but what is the crux of good leadership?
Leaders like Steve Jobs, Elon Musk and Warren Buffet (my favourite) with their vision, unshakeable determination and persistent hard work lead their respective companies to greater heights.
With their strong leadership qualities, they gave a new dimension to the world of business.
Apart from that, leadership is everywhere. At home, in the office and even at restaurants.
Leadership, according to John Maxwell, is influence.
Influence brings to mind the book How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie, which when summarised simply says that the core idea is that you can change other people's behaviours simply by changing your own.
To better understand people, become a more likeable person, improve relationships and to win others over, is leadership through behaviour.
A good leader can influence the crowd to believe, act and work with perseverance to meet the greater good.
Coming back to my daughter, she was ready to assert that such an activity was immoral.
But, I convinced her that just by being herself and dressing the way she wants to, she will give a firm message that she is not someone who will follow instructions without care or concern.
A good leader is one who respects the wishes of others and does not rant and rave when something goes wrong.
So, she went to college dressed in a casual outfit rather than pajamas and returned without any repercussions.
Effective leadership can bring home the desired results.
Therefore, what makes an effective leader?
A good leader never criticises, condemns or complains.
In fact, no one should possess such caustic behaviour, for no good will come out of it.
My daughter was upset and wanted to tell the leader that it was out of protocol, and morally wrong.
But, my advice to her was to dress normally and respectfully inform whoever asked her otherwise, that "I am comfortable with my dress, so may I please be as I am"?
Be gentle, yet firm.
As can be observed, the most important word is "I".
When we use "I", we deflect the anger and animosity from the other party and tell what we feel personally.
If we start anything with the word "you", then we are attracting negativity of the highest degree.
Another quality of a good leader, which may be interpreted as being weak and submissive, is never to demand or to use harsh words.
Always respect the opinions of others.
Try to understand what he or she is saying.
Using harsh words is easy, but retracting them is impossible.
A recent news report stated that a houseman fell from his apartment to his death!
Was he bullied by someone in authority?
To assert oneself harshly is
not leadership.
It is actually a dressing-down that may cost a life.
In any organisation, a good leader cares for his employees, though he may have higher-ups he needs to answer to.
But, the real mission is to ensure that the employees have the resources to do their jobs efficiently.
A good leader will coach, train and encourage employees to be their very best.
Condemning and scolding people is not the trait of a good leader.
I explained this to my daughter. Never ever condemn anyone for anything that they suggest, but try to include your views gently into the equation.
Being respectful creates strong morale whether in school, university or the workplace.
Setting the right example, by way of encouragement, kindness and compassion, is the road to success from the cradle to the tomb.
She can then walk tall among her peers.
The writer is research fellow, Faculty of Law, Universiti Malaya
The views expressed in this article are the author's own and do not necessarily reflect those of the New Straits Times