IT'S a show that's not a show, muses dancer-choreographer Marion D'Cruz on her December outing at the Five Arts Centre studio in Kuala Lumpur.
"It was unplanned. First, I get cancer, then I'm in my chemo bubble. And just as I was coming out of that bubble, Covid-19 comes, so back to a bubble. Then we could meet again, a few of us.
"My friends and I were chatting. Then I leap out of my chair and do a 10-minute rave about cancer. I took out my prosthetic breast, shoving it into their faces.
"'What is this? Why does it have a nipple? Touch it, touch it!' I rage at them. Then I sit down and carried on as normal."
Her friends, including theatre educator Janet Pillay, took her tirade in their stride.
She then wanted to do soirees of this "rage" for friends, but lockdown put paid to that idea.
D'Cruz, who turns 70 this month, says this with eyes bright and a charming smile setting her dimples flashing in and out.
We are chatting in a coffeeshop tucked in a corner of a mall bustling with shoppers.
The cheery mood gets a spark up when she greets a friend or two as they stop by the table.
The year 2020 was hard on many, including this pioneer of contemporary dance in Malaysia and a founding member of Five Arts Centre, which was established in 1984.
All that angst and time on her hands saw D'Cruz googling how to write.
"I learnt to write and wrote whatever came into my head. Then I would change everything to lower case.
"Another time, I would number the story, or write it and then block it all out, or strike through the text. I was kind of choreographing my writing.
"I told my friends what I was doing. Everything was in chat groups and Zoom.
"Two directors from India were in one of those chat groups, with theatre educator Charlene Rajendran, and they asked me to read my stories.
"It's important to see the text. So Charlene said she would do a simple PowerPoint presentation. And they loved it. It was March 2021. I had 24 stories by then — one story is just one word, longer ones, 500 words.
"Their response was just overwhelming. These are experienced theatre directors. They are not going to lie to me to stroke my feathers."
By greater design, Rajendran became her dramaturg.
"I've done 70 works since I started theatre and dance, but I've never formally worked with a dramaturg.
"This show, it just happened, no one decided. It's called ItSelf TerJadi because it rolled on its own engine.
"I don't know what it is. The only way to know is if I do it live. And we have our own studio. I refuse to learn the text by heart like I did for Gostan Forward."
That 2009 show traces D'Cruz's growth as a student, dancer, choreographer and educator, revealing her choices, strategies and influences over the span of a 45-year dance career.
"ItSelf TerJadi is kind of a sister to it."
Pillay will be directing the show which Rajendran has described, an excerpt of which reads that it is "an insight when a dancer choreographs text, and the text dances. It is a space to encounter the possibilities of listening to pain and being pained by pleasure".
"The stories are personal, and quite raw. And, I sing a boob song. Do your boobs hang low?" she sings cheerily.
"The audience will get what they get."
D'Cruz also discussed staging ItSelf TerJadi with Five Arts Centre coordinator Mark Teh.
Teh had directed D'Cruz in Gostan Forward (2009-2018).
He says he was drawn to Five Arts Centre's ethos of working as a collective of artistes, producers and activists and their commitment to Malaysian stories, experimental forms of performance and social commentary.
"I'm 42 now, and I've been in Five Arts for more than half of my life."
For Teh, Five Arts Centre's new space in the GMBB creative community mall in the city centre since 2022 allows the centre to continue to nurture critical artistes and producers.
The collective takes in interns, and the Krishen Jit Fund — now in its 18th year — has supported over 80 artistic projects with seed funding totalling over RM600,000 since 2016.
"As the scope of our work expands, the collective needs more full-time staff. Ahead of our 40th anniversary in 2024, we are looking to raise some funds to help the centre sustain itself, and grow.
"For me, what's more important than just institutional sustainability is to work through how to sustain the ethos of the collective."
D'Cruz's show — stories written and delivered by Marion D'Cruz — fits right in with the collective's offerings.
"Some will say she's on the same trajectory of doing yet another weird piece," D'Cruz says with a twinkle in her eye.
Tickets for ItSelf TerJadi, set to run from Dec 7-9 at The Five Arts Centre Studio in GMBB KL, are available at www.cloudjoi.com
For more details and enquiries, call 018-202 8827 or email fiveartscentre@gmail.com.