PLANNING is an essential skill to have to make your life smoother and more manageable. As a caregiver, you need to make plans at many levels, especially if you also have to balance family, work and caregiving.
It’s already one thing to organise your children’s schedule, especially if they’re still young and need supervision and transport. It’s quite another to take your ailing parents or spouse to the doctor for regular check-ups or treatments.
When you have someone in the family who’s ill — terminally or otherwise, needing regular treatment or not — a new dimension is added to your life. It gives you one more worry to deal with. For one, you need to ensure that meals and medications are given on time and what to do in case of emergencies.
If you’re thrown into the deep end of caregiving because the circumstances are sudden, like your loved one suffers an accident, heart attack, stroke or coma, you’ll find your life turned topsy-turvy in an instant. You’ll need to stay calm, get the right picture, and then gather the family together to plan the next steps. Whatever you do, don’t panic. It’s so easy to be overwhelmed.
Ask the doctor questions if you don’t understand what’s going on and get their advice. Once the dust has settled, you’ll find that caring for an ailing loved one becomes a routine, albeit more taxing than taking care of your child and their requirements. If you remain focused and objective (easier said than done!) regarding what to do, you can organise your life in such a way that you’ll have time for yourself.
CARE FOR YOURSELF TOO
It has always been said that caregivers always put themselves last on the list of caring and pampering, which eventually spirals into burnout, resentment and depression. This usually happens when you don’t get the support you need and when you can’t find people to help you. Research has found that caregivers, especially those caring for people with dementia, die before those they’re caring for.
Some caregivers are so immersed in their role that they neglect their own health and well-being. Many of them don’t seek help because they don’t realise that they have a recognisable condition like high blood pressure, diabetes and a compromised immune system. Sometimes they’re too tired to go and get medical help; most of the time they just put it off until later when it’s too late.
Data show that caregivers suffer certain illnesses like hypertension, stress and depression as a result of a prolonged and elevated level of stress hormones circulating in the body. This condition has been likened to those suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder.
In many instances, the stress isn’t only related to the daunting work of caregiving but also the grief associated with the decline in the health of a loved one. It’s not easy to see the ones you love deteriorate into a shadow of their former selves. It hurts even more when they don’t know who you are anymore.
OUTSOURCE AND DELEGATE
The one thing you must remember when you’re a caregiver is try not to do everything alone. Enlist help. It’s quite natural to think that you can handle everything by yourself because you think you know your loved one better than anyone else. You may also feel that you don’t want to burden other people with your worries.
You may be the best person for the job but through the decades of caregiving, I’ve found that if you could delegate the smaller stuff to others, you’d be in a better position to be where you’re most needed.
If “farming out” tasks to others and asking people to do things for you don’t come so easily, try to use psychology for a win-win situation. For example, asking your children to take turns calling or sending food to your ailing parents — their grandparents — helps. It not only knocks off an item from your to-do list, it can also help bring the two generations closer. It’s a great way to let them get to know each other without you being in the way.
They may be reluctant at first because they see this as a chore and they prefer to indulge in their own programmes. But over time, it can become the start of a precious relationship.
Sometimes it’s nice to have common ground over which they can bond. Like any friendship, things don’t happen just like that. Occasionally a little nudge along the way helps.