ON Tuesday evening, I caught the news about a Form One student who tried to jump off his school roof after a girl rejected his love.
Before we quickly brush it aside and laugh it off, we need to remind ourselves that suicide tendencies should never be taken lightly. The feeling must have been very strong to make him even think about it. The boy clearly needed help and support. Instead, some netizens condemned and belittled him.
What he was feeling was probably more infatuation than love. But for a young man his age, it can be a very strong emotion.
Most of us would probably have experienced it at least once. Some of us would have been “lucky” to have had our “love” accepted while I’m sure there are others who have experienced some form of rejection or another at a young age. Thankfully, not many would have resorted to this drastic course of action.
Teenagers battle all kinds of emotions daily. There’s just so much peer pressure. They need to be accepted into their social circles or risk being left out. They need to develop their unique identities while maintaining their cool at the same time. It isn’t an easy phase at all.
This is the time when parental support is much needed. If parents have spent a good 12 years providing them with physical and material support, by this teenage phase, a different type of support will be needed. Teenagers need emotional support. They need their parents to stop being a parent for a while. Instead, be their friend.
PARENTS VS FRIENDS
Do we know the difference between parents and friends? Let’s explore some key traits.
Parents tend to be authoritative while friends are more dependable. When a teen has a problem, he may not want to share it with his parents for fear of being judged and punished. This may be because he’s gone against the parents’ instructions, or have simply been a little mischievous.
A friend, on the other hand, behaves more like a lawyer than a judge. Like a good lawyer, he’ll listen to the story from the beginning till the end. He won’t be too quick to judge or label. He’ll be there to help fight until the end or the problem is solved. It’s easy to see why teenagers are more attracted to friends than parents.
Another key trait is how power is used. Parents tend to give instructions and there’s little room for discussions, let alone to offer ideas for a better approach. This is when friends, once again, appear more attractive.
Friends tend to say, “Let’s go!” rather than “Go!” By adding that magic word in front, things change drastically. A teenager will no longer feel trapped in a dizzying array of rules and instructions.
Instead, he’ll feel empowered to do things his way.
Can you see the difference between the two? While we’re technically still the parents, it will be better for us to put on a friendship hat when it comes to dealing with teenagers.
Who knows, we may end up being their best friend. When we do, we’ll be the ones they come running to when they face downturns in life for the first time, love rejection included.
Zaid Mohamad coaches and trains parents to experience happier homes and more productive workplaces. Reach him at zaidi@smartparents.com.my