AS parents, we undoubtedly have different styles when it comes to parenting our children.
Sometimes, the differences can cause havoc in the family relationship, especially when parents can’t agree on certain issues. This can subsequently escalate into an argument. Unfortunately, in many cases, children become the victims of parental conflicts.
Max Lucado, a best-selling author and writer, once famously said, “Conflicts are inevitable, but combat is optional.”
Achieving peace and harmony at home is certainly one of the biggest aspirations of any parent. Home is our sanctuary from the hostile world outside but conflicts can sometimes still find their way in.
Conflicts come disguised in many forms, for example, as sibling rivalry, the need to be right and even the competition for attention. And it doesn’t stop there. It gets worse when parents join the fray and fight their way to be “right”.
Arguments stemming from an honest misunderstanding or miscommunication have created more havoc than it should.
Many productive hours are lost when the mood is down and negative emotions take over. We’ve all experienced those times when thinking rationally becomes a challenge.
Fortunately, relationship experts generally agree that conflict is crucial to healthy relationships. It can be a very positive part of communication.
Conflict produces better solutions, strengthens bonds and provides the opportunity to see a variety of perspectives. Combat, however, can be dangerous.
LISTEN TO BOTH SIDES
Conflict occurs when people don’t see eye to eye about an issue, situation or goal.
Combat, on the other hand, is when conflict becomes personal. Therefore, it’s critical that parents take the lead in managing all conflicts positively.
It’s time we accept that there are many roads that lead to the same destination. Nobody has ever got it right all the time. The opposite is also true. No one is perfect. Sometimes we’re right, and sometimes we’re not.
Regardless of our position in the family, workplace or society, there’s no exception to this rule. So it’s only fair that we keep an open mind and be willing to listen in order to understand instead of being stubbornly steadfast.
Both sides will have something of value and concern that deserve attention. These will not surface if people are too transfixed on their own opinion and judgments.
Parents need to listen to their children’s explanation before meting out punishments; likewise, children must be taught to understand, respect and obey the ground rules for harmonious living.
Despite our best efforts, disagreements and conflicts will still occur from time to time. It’s impossible to avoid them as we’re not perfect and are bound to step on each other’s toes. The good news is that it shows that we’re human.
The bad news is that we’re exposing ourselves to permanent damage if we’re not careful. Spouses have gone through messy divorces; teenagers have run away from home; and on a bigger scale, countries have been ravaged by wars because their citizens weren’t able to resolve their differences positively.
Zaid Mohamad coaches and trains parents to experience happier homes and more productive workplaces. Reach him at zaidi@smartparents.com.my.