IN our daily lives, communication is often the key to achieving our objectives.
Whether it's with co-workers or family members, an effective communication plays a vital role in creating harmonious relationships.
Yet, relationships are never easy. We get into trouble for talking too much. We get into deeper trouble for not talking at all. This was a topic I was invited to elaborate on for a TV interview recently.
The purpose of such communication is for both parties to feel fully understood and have a safe place to voice their true feelings. The two main ingredients of a healthy relationship are being able to talk openly and being a good listener. If done right, we can handle any conflicts and even strengthen relationships further.
"Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional," said a famous US author, Max Lucado. One of the top relationship killers is poor communication. When a conflict occurs in a relationship, some people choose to shut down instead of finding a solution through communication. Psychologists have termed this behaviour as giving the silent treatment to the other party.
Barack Obama once said: "It's important to ensure that we're talking with each other in a way that heals, not in a way that wounds." Unfortunately, the silent treatment hurts both parties even more.
OPEN COMMUNICATION
The Oxford dictionary defines silent treatment as "a stubborn refusal to talk to someone, especially after a recent argument or disagreement." Kipling Williams, a Professor of Psychology at Purdue University explains: "Excluding and ignoring people, such as giving them the cold shoulder or silent treatment, are used to punish or manipulate, and people may not realise the emotional or physical harm being done."
It takes both parties to avoid being locked in this dangerous combative mode. Begin by agreeing that an open communication will be the rule in the house. Parents are responsible for creating a safe venue whereby children are not criticised or punished for speaking up.
Encourage them to tell the truth even if it's unpleasant. Otherwise, family members may choose to keep quiet or withdraw themselves from the communication altogether.
Depending on the issue, the other party may not be ready to discuss it immediately. The pain may be too big and time is needed before they're ready to talk. Both parties must be allowed to cool down and rationalise the situation. But some sort of a time frame should be given. "I'm not ready to talk right now. I'll discuss this when I feel better." This is another way to avoid the silent treatment from manifesting.
At the end of the day, no one can read another's mind, not even our loved ones. Hence, we need to find a way of communicating that best suits our relationship.
Besides verbally, communication also requires written and body language skills. Today, we can also connect digitally. Let's use all these to understand so that everyone's needs can be fulfilled.
Zaid Mohamad coaches and trains parents to experience happier homes and more productive workplaces. Reach him at zaid@smartparents.com.my.