THERE are parents who expect their children to look after them when they grow old. They think that their children will "repay" their kindness in raising them up. In an ideal world, this would be a natural thing to do.
Children have an ethical responsibility to ensure that their ageing parents are safe, secure and getting the attention they need. Many adult children are doing just this. However, there are still many who choose to abandon their elderly parents.
"Caring for an aging loved one is one of the hardest jobs you'll ever have," says Alexis Abramson, author of The Caregiver's Survival Handbook: Caring For Your Aging Parents Without Losing Yourself. "There'll most likely be times when you feel that you just can't go on."
This is especially true when the parents themselves failed to be a great parent when their children were younger. Borrowing the concept of "emotional bank account" introduced by the late Stephen Covey, these parents failed to invest sufficiently in their "love bank account".
I came across one good example recently, in a movie called A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood. It was adapted from a true story about how a much-beloved and positive television icon Fred Rogers helped the character Lloyd Vogel, a troubled journalist, to reconcile with his father.
The father seemed to have just reappeared into Lloyd's life after several years of abandonment. The adult Lloyd wasn't prepared to accept their relationship. He was still angry at the father's irresponsible action of leaving the family when his mother was dying.
Mr Rogers recognised the issue during their interactions and made it his personal mission to bring father and son together. Fortunately, they managed to reconcile before the father succumbed to his illness. He apologised for his unacceptable behaviour and admitted that he should have invested more in their family relationship.
REAPING WHAT WE SOW
It just goes to prove that we reap what we sow. We can't expect to harvest a bounty when we never took care of the garden. It took Mr Rogers' very big heart and a lifetime of experience to convince Lloyd to forgive his father. It took a bigger heart to do so. Not many families will have that chance.
Looking back, many of our happiest moments in life were those times we spent with our family. Notice that the "spending" word describes the time rather than the materials — as in "spending money". Spending that time is really investing in the love bank account.
So, let's leverage all our available time with our children for we don't have much of those. They're growing at a phenomenal rate and before we know it, they'll be ready to leave us. Let's not allow any more valuable time to pass by without creating priceless moments. Let them be our deposits into their love bank account. Hopefully, it'll yield handsome dividends when the time comes.
Zaid Mohamad coaches and trains parents to experience happier homes and more productive workplaces. Reach him at zaid@smartparents.com.my.