Zaid Mohamad
EVERY family will have its own set of problems. But like a disease, you'd probably see some early symptoms first before the chronic stage is reached.
It's quite tempting to sweep everything under the carpet when dealing with matters at home.
Even when the symptoms are glaringly clear, many still choose to ignore the problems for a variety of reasons.
Spousal conflicts, parent-child arguments and sibling fights are all clear symptoms of a bigger underlying problem.
The cost of ignoring these seemingly "small problems" may be too high a price to pay.
The unhappiness caused may take years to heal. Relationships may turn sour and children's academic performance may suffer.
Even work performance and career aspirations have been sacrificed when the family is unhappy.
We can start with recognising the symptoms. Family problems, such as uncooperative, rude and demanding children may point to bigger issues.
Similarly, spouses who just seem to argue all the time could signal unresolved conflicts.
Never ignore these signs or conveniently brush them aside. Take some time to evaluate the situation again.
Are we showing good examples to our kids? Are we spending enough time with them to show what's right and wrong? Do we still value our spouse's sacrifices and hard work just like when we were first together?
The answers to these questions and more can provide a clue on the root cause of the problems.
ROAD TO RECONCILIATION
Once we're able to pinpoint its whereabouts, it's time to go in and fix the root cause.
Misbehaving children will continue to misbehave for as long as we do not address the issue.
No matter how much we punish and discipline them, they'll find another way to air their dissatisfaction.
Similarly, spouses who fail to deal with deep underlying issues will find their days filled with more and more disagreements.
Before we know it, the road to reconciliation may have been permanently damaged. Don't let that happen. Do the dirty work and treat the root of the problem. It won't be easy as it requires egos and prejudices to be put aside.
It requires us to listen more and talk less. It also means bringing ourselves down to our children's level and trying to see things from their perspective. We may be surprised to discover a deep underlying issue that's been masked by the problems on the surface.
But the good news is that once we're able to fix the root cause, we can look forward to a radical but positive transformation within our family.
Our children will once again be cooperative as they rediscover their admirations for us, while our spouse will be happier once we're able to see beyond the surface.
Zaid Mohamad coaches and trains parents to experience happier homes and more productive workplaces. Reach him at zaid@smartparents.com.my.