IF you have siblings, chances are, your relationship with them will be the longest you ever have with anyone. It's a tie that precedes the one you have with your partner; one that can last long after your parents and friends have gone.
In other words, I'm stuck with my sisters — all three of them — for life.
I sometimes wonder, when it comes to the decline in fertility rates in our country and others, whether the economic impact will be any more significant than the intimate one. For better or worse, fewer people will know the challenges and comforts of a sprawling clan.
Those comforts are manifold, at least in my lucky experience. With siblings to help shoulder the burden of your parents' dreams and expectations, you can flail on a particular front with lower stakes — and maybe even less notice.
Siblings not only pick up the slack but also act as decoys, providing crucial distraction. I can attest to that. I mean, I'm the happy-go-lucky writer who is content with her little car and a quiet life while my sisters have all gone on to climb the corporate ladder of success. In some ways, we couldn't be any more different — my sisters and I. But in other ways, we're alike and bound together by fierce love and loyalty.
Siblings are definitely less tailored fits than friends are. But in families that succeed at closeness, they're more natural, better harbours. Admittedly, my sisters aren't people I'd have likely made an effort to know or spend time with if I'd met them at school or at work. And yet, a get-together with them still thrills me more than a reunion with friends who don't make me feel that I'm "a part of a larger quilt". My sisters do.
National Siblings Day, celebrated yesterday, may not be as widely celebrated or acknowledged as other "family" days like Mother's Day or Father's Day, but that's no excuse for not celebrating and appreciating the lifelong bond we have with our siblings!
GIFT OF FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE
SHARON ALAINA STEPHEN
Fitness trainer, Taekwondo instructor, free babysitter and former Catholic priest , 34, from Kuala Lumpur.
"MY family consists of three children. My dad always says he has ONE DAUGHTER, that's me the eldest; ONE SON, Shaun (a proud heir to the non-existent throne of the Stephens and father to a cute Creature); and ONE BABY because Sharyl will always be known as the baby in the family even though this 'baby' is a 30-year-old who recently became a mother to a handsome Smurf (yes, I give nicknames to both my nephews because I get their names all mixed up!)
Growing up, my siblings and I were very close. Despite the two-year age gap between us, I clearly recall how I used to bully and manipulate my younger siblings into doing things that I secretly liked to do but preferred not to, for fear of getting scolded or punished! Then of course, there were those other fun times when we'd pool in our efforts and creative energy to build castles and trains out of cardboard boxes.
Having been raised Catholics, we'd celebrate (or rather, perform) Catholic masses at home. As the eldest, I got dibs on becoming the 'priest' (because I knew the prayers by heart) and got to decide whose sins were 'forgiven' or otherwise!
When night fell and we were packed off to bed, we'd wait until the lights were out and the coast was clear. Then, we'd whip out our torchlights and more games followed. There'd be circus shows, shadow plays and even martial arts tournaments which would ultimately end with my youngest sister in tears!
As we grew older, it became clear that we've come from a long glorious bloodline of great dancers. We organised our very own 'professional' dance group called Trinity and you'd find the Stephen siblings performing at every family wedding. Of course, there was definitely a special 'family' dance performed for both of my siblings' weddings!
What annoys me about my siblings is the fact that they're now too smart to believe anything I tell them. Gone are the days of manipulation and CONvincing. To be honest, I don't get annoyed much because they're really great siblings and they've been there for me through both my happiest and most challenging times. In exchange, I do the dishes on family dinner nights and I babysit their kids for FREE.
Our favourite sibling activity is definitely us teaching Taekwondo classes together — all three of us are black belt holders — during the weekends to schoolchildren. Then the pandemic happened and that activity is now on hiatus. We look forward to the day when we're finally able to physically teach children once again.
Dear 'Baldbird' and 'Baby',
Thank you for giving me the gift of friendship and love. I may not have wanted you to exist when I was little but I thank my lucky stars every day that I have the both of you as my siblings. You've also expanded our little family with my two other 'siblings' — your partners, Mei Yee and Adam! I don't say it often enough but I do love you all and I look forward to more laughter and fun in the years to come."
WONDERFUL MEMORIES
TUNKU HALIM TUNKU ABDULLAH
Author, Malaysian 'Prince of Darkness' and minimalist champion, 56, from Negri Sembilan.
"HOW many brothers and sisters do you have?" I often smile at that question. To keep things simple I just say, "I have two older brothers." Then we can move on to other topics. Perhaps we can talk about my writing and the Midnight's Children trilogy I've just published.
But if I want to impress, I'll say, "But I have two brothers and a sister through my father's first marriage. My eldest brother is in his seventies." I watch to see if there's a reaction. As I'm in my mid-fifties, this might not be so interesting. I might get a polite nod and a smile.
So I'll then say, "My youngest brother and sister are twins. They're from my father's last marriage. The twins are both 20." Now the eyebrows are raised. "Really. Wow!"
"Yes," I'll continue. "More than 50 years difference in age, from oldest to youngest."
They're impressed and will want to know all about my father. I immediately guide them to the bookshop to purchase A Prince Called Charlie. Well, actually no, because there are so few bookshops around these days. So I'll just give them a brief summary.
"Amazing!" is usually the response. "What a character. What an interesting life!"
I nod and smile. People who know my family are often surprised by how well we all get on. They're aware of other families where the siblings argue and even sue each other.
"My father wanted us to be close," I'll say. "He made Monday nights family dinner night. We'd meet up every week at a restaurant in Kuala Lumpur." Now that my father has passed away, we siblings still catch up but not as often. When we do, we always have a good time.
I never mention what my two elder brothers and I got up to as kids. They were an excellent influence on me, as a 6-year-old. We played soccer indoors, broke things and got into all kinds of trouble. They taught me how to get into stone throwing fights with the local boys and how to throw water bombs at people waiting at bus stops!
Wonderful memories…
All my siblings are different but one thing that most of them don't really do is read fiction. If they did, they might discover they're not in my stories. Actually, they are ... just don't tell them!"
FEELING COMPLETE
VINCE CHONG
Singer, voice trainer, filmmaker, director, content creator and entrepreneur; 42, from Kuala Lumpur.
"I'M the second of six siblings and each one of us is so different from the others. I'm convinced that our family closeness is a happy accident; a fortuitously smooth blend of personalities.
We've created so many happy memories growing up, including time spent in my uncle's farm back in the UK where we got to feed the goats and pluck berries! Growing up, we used to bond over fun, silly games like I Spy With My Little Eye and badminton. We're a strong support unit and for each of us, a new home, a new relationship or a newborn was never quite real until the rest of us had been ushered in to the front row.
To my siblings, I'd feel so incomplete without you all. Despite not being able to spend as much time as we usually do, I love you all so much and am so proud of you for having become such great parents and great people. May God bless you always. Hope we get to travel together after all this madness is over. See you on our family WhatsApp chat!
By the way, my recently released single, Depan Mata, is a song about appreciating what we have. I dedicate it to all of my siblings and to all Malaysians. We certainly need to appreciate what we have. Family and siblings are definitely one of them!"
TO NEW DISCOVERIES AND ADVENTURES
SHAKILA RAJENDRA
Sustainability consultant, world traveller and tree hugger; 38, from Penang.
"THE best thing about having an older brother is that you get to grow up with someone who will teach you to do all the cool things that most girls won't get to do.
My brother taught me to ride a bicycle, to skateboard and to play basketball. He even taught me how to roller-skate and use a pogo stick (It was the 1980s!).
My best memory is finally succeeding in riding a bike after many failed attempts and making my brother proud as I could then join him and the neighbourhood kids in riding around the neighbourhood and be part of the gang.
The worst thing about having an older brother is that you're constantly bullied and being left out of the fun as a child. As a kid, my brother's nickname for me was 'Small Fart' and he would make me cry for no reason.
I was ignored because I was just never cool or big enough for him. Thankfully, this hasn't translated into adulthood although there are still times my brother would ignore me or expect me to run around after him.
When it comes to our ageing parents and facing our huge complicated family and its associated dramas, I'm immensely grateful to have a sibling to turn to whenever there's something to laugh or cry about.
People have told us that we get on unusually well as brother and sister. In recent years, we've taken to travelling together as we both have the sense of adventure and appreciation of different cultures and histories, and a fascination with ancient civilisations. Our favourite trip together was to Angkor Wat in Cambodia. Our dream is to go to Machu Picchu or Egypt one day.
To my big brother, thank you for being my first best friend and here's to more adventures and discovering new worlds together!"