"THIS is such a cliche," begins Carmen Lim, chuckling softly, before sharing: "But I've always wanted to be a lawyer since I was in primary school. We used to be asked that question, 'what do you want to be when you grow up?' To be honest, I didn't know what being a lawyer entailed back then, but I still thought I wanted to be one!"
The only child to a globe-trotting tobacco executive and a former flight attendant, the 23-year-old Asean Para Games triple medallist spent her formative years growing up in Subang Jaya. Upon the untimely passing of her late mother, she moved to Damansara Jaya, Selangor, where she spent the rest of her childhood being around her aunt and cousins from her father's side of the family.
Muses Lim: "I think I was influenced by my aunt who's a lawyer. I see how she exudes confidence and passion whenever she talks about her job." The slim and tenacious young woman continues to be close to her relatives to this day.
"All 10 of them were in Cambridge for my graduation," she shares, beaming brightly as she recalls the memorable day, when she graduated with a second-class upper honours degree just last year.
Certainly not a bad achievement for someone, who never dreamt of studying at Cambridge.
"It was never a dream," she muses softly, before adding: "When I was 6, my late mum took me on a trip to the United Kingdom. She did the typical Asian parents thing of taking their child to visit one of the best universities in the world. I think she really wanted me to enrol at one of those prestigious universities."
Lim pursued her A-levels at a boarding school abroad. "My father wanted this for me so I would have options," she recalls, adding: "But even when I was doing my A-Levels, I didn't think getting into Oxbridge was a possibility. I thought it was simply unattainable."
CHALLENGES APLENTY
After completing her secondary school education, Lim left Malaysia to enrol at a boarding school in England. "Boarding school wasn't fun," she says, simply. However, it did open up possibilities for her.
Continuing, Lim shares: "It was while I was at boarding school that Cambridge became a real possibility. It sounded prestigious and would open so many doors for me. But when I got the offer, albeit conditional, as I hadn't obtained my official A-levels results yet, many people at the school didn't think I'd be able to get the results needed for entry."
Upon receiving the conditional offer, Lim was barred from swimming training on the grounds that this would distract her from getting the grades needed to get into Cambridge. "I felt very humiliated," she recalls.
Adding, Lim laments: "All of a sudden, I was told I couldn't train for swimming anymore for six months leading up to the A-levels exams. Because of that, I couldn't train to qualify for a meet in Tokyo. At that time, qualifying for the World Championship and the Paralympics in Tokyo was a real possibility."
An expression of sadness crosses her face when she confides: "Swimming has always been a big part of my life. I was told to prioritise my studies. I know how prioritising works. I just felt completely stripped of my choices."
Now, she adds, she'll always wonder what could have been. Brows furrowing, Lim continues: "No one understood the impact it had on me. The teachers thought it would be the best way to help me focus on my academic performance, but the agreement had always been from the time I enrolled at the school that I'd be allowed to train for swimming throughout my studies."
Refusing to dwell on her disappointment, Lim pulled herself up by her bootstraps and aced her A-levels. She got into Cambridge.
What was Cambridge like? I ask her.
Her expression is thoughtful as she reflects the question. When she replies, there's a hint of sadness in her eyes. "Thinking back to my time at university… I had an 'imposter' syndrome because everyone was so smart. I was always doubting myself. I found myself wondering whether I was good enough and why I was there."
Adding, she says: "Choices and decisions had been made for me instead of me making them for myself. I had to face the consequences of those choices and decisions without even being consulted. That affected everything I did. I had a bit of an existential crisis thing going on."
Voice low, Lim admits that she was never was quite able to deal with that imposter syndrome. "I just kept studying and learnt to just keep going," she says, simply, adding: "At the end of the day, I enjoyed it. Law is my passion. It's something I've always wanted to do."
Elaborating, Lim explains: "It was more of a social justice point of view that I propelled me to study law. Disability rights in Malaysia leave much to be desired. But after studying law, I became a little more realistic about championing these rights."
LUCKY CALL
"I'm now a full-time para swimmer," shares Lim, smiling broadly, before telling me that she learnt to swim at the age of 5, because her parents wanted her to have survival skills. "I only started training for competitive swimming when I was 13, which is considered quite late. I got very lucky because I trained for about a year before making it to the national team."
You consider yourself lucky? I couldn't help blurting out, and Lim nods her head in response, before replying: "Athletes usually start young and take years to train. I did put in a lot of hard work and managed to get to a stage in my swimming career which, ordinarily others would take years to arrive at. But I still consider myself lucky."
Continuing, she adds: "I still train with Coach Loke Chee Heng and Coach Yong, with whom I've been training from the beginning of my swimming career. They've seen me go from someone with zero experience in competitive swimming to representing the country. I'm thankful for that."
Her eyes light up when Lim confides that she has a lot of trust in her coaches, and more so, because of her disability. "This year is a big year for all para swimmers," says Lim, before adding: "Next year is Olympic and Paralympic in Paris 2024. I don't want to take the risk of training under new coaches, who may or may not understand my disability."
At this point in her life, her career comes first, says Lim, before adding empathically: "I will not compromise (on it) for anyone. I just want to focus on representing the country for swimming and doing the best I can."
The year 2022 proved to be her best year yet. Smiling, Lim shares: "It was my first year competing internationally after a four-year break. I qualified for the Asean Games while I was still in the middle of my university term. Thankfully, I did pretty well in my final exams. My grades were below my expectations but on hindsight, I was doing so many things at the same time. But I still made it work."
This was the year Lim garnered a gold medal for the 100m breaststroke (SB8) category and two silver medals for the 100m freestyle (S8) and 50m freestyle (S8) events at the Asean Para Games 2022 in Indonesia.
"I can't really tell you how long I'm going to be able to keep this [swimming] going," confides Lim, before sharing: "To be honest, I'd never really considered swimming as my professional career — until now, that is. So now, I'd say I'm ready to serve my country through what I do best — swimming!"
BORN THIS WAY
"I think it's harder for people to lose a limb or face paralysis after an accident because they know what it's like to miss something," Lim states, matter-of-factly, adding: "I was born with this condition so I can't even imagine what it would be like to have a left arm."
The condition Lim is referring to is amelia, a congenital anomaly characterised by the complete absence of one or more limbs. Expression earnest, Lim says: "People should be more open and accepting of those with disabilities. People with disabilities (PWD) are visibly different and that's completely normal. It shouldn't be regarded as weird."
Adding, she muses: "If you're curious, why not just be direct and nice about it? You should be able to ask someone about their disability as long as you do it respectfully. I have no problems answering people's questions. I only find it insulting when they start giving weird looks."
Frustrations etched on her face, Lim tells me that she's even faced discrimination when applying for jobs. "I remember filling out an online application, which required me to fill up the declaration portion stating that I didn't have any chronic illnesses or disabilities," she recalls, adding: "Of course, I couldn't lie about that. My CV (curriculum vitae) clearly stated that I was a para swimmer. So, I didn't tick that declaration, which meant I couldn't submit the application."
She initially thought there was a computer glitch or that her Internet connection was at fault. And then it hit her. Shares Lim: "It was only after I'd ticked the portion which said I didn't have any chronic illnesses or disabilities that I was able to submit my application. It felt degrading. That was the first time I faced that kind of discrimination for something I couldn't change. I didn't hear back from that company until six months later. They rejected my application."
Society, adds Lim, needs to change. "People seem to have a problem with visible disability. The first impression people have of PWD is 'Oh my God, that's extra work'. There should be equal access to education and employment for PWD. These are the fundamental rights of (all) human beings."
Equal access, she continues, entails putting in more effort to ensure that PWD aren't presented with barriers that normal people don't have to face.
Voice low, Lim shares: "I remember my parents telling me how challenging it was to find a Montessori kindergarten (for me) when I was a kid, and all because of my disability. You know, people need to start practising what's right. It's important to be educated and better informed on such things so that there'd be a better understanding of those with disabilities."