I REMEMBER it so clearly... the day I decided to pick up a brush and start painting. It was back in 2016 and I was a doctor in Hospital Bahagia, Tanjung Rambutan, Perak. My first painting was a beta fish known as ikan laga in Malay. It was inspired by my sister, Lush, who loves the fish so much that she kept so many of them.
In the early days, my paintings were generally inspired by what I observed from my surroundings. The canvas was more literal rather than abstract. I painted many things, including sceneries, plants and animals.
When I started my endeavour, I experimented with many mediums. As I didn't have a formal education in art (aside from school lessons), my work would often be influenced by feelings.
I'd stop whenever I felt that the painting looked good. I experimented with acrylic, watercolour, colour pencils and pens, and from those mediums, I eventually chose acrylic because of the volume and texture it gave to my artwork.
URGE TO PAINT
I had my own office cubicle when I was working in Hospital Bahagia. It was a space that I shared with another colleague. However, my interest in painting only lasted a year at this point as my workload grew. I had transferred to Hospital Permai in Johor for a few months before joining Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia as a medical lecturer in 2017.
The urge to paint again resurfaced in late 2021. I just arrived in Oxford, London, to pursue a PhD in psychiatry. During this period, I encountered people from various backgrounds, most of whom had strong opinion. I found myself trying desperately to fit in at the beginning, but as time went on, I decided that it was no longer important to force myself to be what I wasn't. I told myself I could change "me" to a better me, but I needed self-consent to do this.
This challenging period inspired me to create a collection of paintings — abstract on acrylic — which I called Kembara or Journey in English. The Kembara collection initially comprised nine paintings and was initially exhibited at St Cross College, University of Oxford, in March last year.
As the collection was partly inspired by my struggles with identity, I decided to incorporate cultural elements in the form of words. I gave all my paintings a Malay name. Although I'm Malaysian, I originally obtained my medical degree from Universitas Gadjah Mada in Indonesia.
This is the reason why some of the terms/words used are from both countries. In addition, I also provided narratives for each painting so the audience can understand the context behind the pieces.
I later added more paintings to the Kembara collection, including those from 2016 that I'd brought from Malaysia. I had the opportunity to exhibit my art again at the same college in Oxford in October last year.
As a result of this outing, I was invited by the Malaysian Association of Postgraduates and Professionals UK to showcase my work at Education Malaysia London in February this year during the winter gathering.
OF NARRATIVES AND MESSAGES
One of the things I love most about sharing my art is the feedback from the audience. It's intriguing to hear how the same painting can be interpreted differently by different people.
I also enjoy listening to their stories when a piece of work resonates with them. I think it was a good move on my part to share my vulnerability as this is something that not many are able to do for various reasons. Bringing these issues up indirectly through art offers people the chance to open up without feeling like they're alone.
As time went on, I changed my medium — from acrylic paper to a larger canvas for better effect. Suffice to say, it took me a little longer to complete this new collection, which I named Suratan or Destiny, and comprised 10 paintings.
I incorporated various messages through my narratives. One of the paintings, titled Akar or Roots in English, conveys a powerful message about identity and the importance of appreciating it.
It's impossible for us to change our background and where we come from. I was born Asian and therefore, cannot change that fact. But what I can do is to embrace my identity and culture.
The collection was inspired by my personal experience as well as my readings from literature. Other messages touched on mental health and climate change.
I managed to exhibit the Suratan collection at Royal Lancaster London during an event organised by TalentCorp (Malaysia's government agency under the Human Resources Ministry) in August. To be able to reach a more diverse audience, I decided to organise another exhibition at St Cross College last month.
OPENING MORE DOORS
These outings opened the doors for me to exhibit at the National Army Museum during a special event organised by Malaysia's High Commission in London on Oct 12, in conjunction with Malaysia's 66th National Day, 60th Malaysia Day, and 90th Malaysia Armed Forces Day.
A diverse audience was present, including a number of British government officials, diplomatic corps, international organisations, and prominent figures from the Malaysian community living in the United Kingdom.
I brought 13 paintings to showcase there recently. Four of the paintings were from my recent collection Kiriman, which means bequeath or something specially sent or passed down to us.
It's my way of showing appreciation for what I've had the chance to experience thus far, and more importantly, for the gift of life. The message I tried to convey is related to the Malay culture.
One painting called Mentera, which incorporates elements from padi, often used in Malay proverbs and carrying numerous meanings related to family relationships, community leadership, good morals and economic resources, represents the Malay warrior spirit. Another piece, Gerbang or Gate/Archway, was dedicated to my parents and supervisor, Professor Philip Cowen, who've helped to open up various opportunities for me.
I'm using art as a form of self-therapy to convert negative energy into positive. Art is a wonderful medium for expressing complex emotions. Furthermore, I want to be able to convey important and pertinent messages through my canvas.
Perhaps, once I return to Malaysia after completing my PhD in Oxford where I'm on a Yayasan Khazanah scholarship, I'll be able to continue with my art in earnest. I hope to be able to touch more people with my canvas and offer them a space to open up, in the knowledge that we all matter.
Dr Fitri Fareez Ramli is pursuing a PhD in psychiatry at the University of Oxford. A doctor and lecturer by profession, he is passionate about painting and believes that it's a great vehicle for disseminating powerful and relevant messages to a wider audience.
PAINTINGS TELL THEIR STORIES
Teruja, 2021
Acrylic on paper
"I felt excited (teruja) when I arrived in Oxford, a dream place to study. I never imagined that I would be here. I'm grateful for the opportunity to experience Oxford. The elements in the painting can be viewed in many ways — "the blossoming trees" or "excited neurons".
Terasing, 2021
Acrylic on paper
There are times when I feel isolated (terasing), even when I am in the middle of a conversation with a group of people. This normally happens when the topic is something unfamiliar. Sometimes, I feel like I don't fit in and am pressured to do things to make myself more like everyone else. Eventually, I learnt that we're all different, in terms of our background and experiences. We don't need to change ourselves just to fit in.
In the painting, the circles with different colours represent different individuals. Oftentimes, we try to resonate with a similar energy to others so we can interact even when we feel isolated.
Perasaan, 2021
Acrylic on paper
I named this painting Perasaan, which means feelings. It denotes the various emotions I experienced in the first few months at Oxford — excited, happy and sorrowful. Coming to Oxford was a massive decision as it meant leaving my comfort zone. A lot of things have happened prior to my overseas departure, and I haven't had the opportunity to digest them.
These mixed feelings suddenly overwhelmed me, entering my mind just weeks into my arrival. The colours of the painting represent the people whom I met here, with their differing backgrounds and perspectives.
Akar, 2023
Acrylic on canvas
The root (akar) is an essential part of a plant. It provides stability and helps to sustain life. Interestingly, the roots also determine the characteristics of the plant, including its size and yield. The painting depicts roots growing in and above the water.
Mangroves possess unique characteristics. The trees remind me of my birthplace of Johor, which hosts one of the largest mangrove forests on Earth. I must remind myself that I'm also built tough, just like the mangrove roots that can withstand harsh conditions like tides, winds and storms.
The ability of mangroves to survive and create their own ecosystem is impressive. People may not know what we've been through in life. Some may judge you based on what they see. Don't worry too much if someone cannot see the good in you. Stay true to yourself, and I believe that you'll be happier.