Santa, tooth fairies. There are plenty of myths parents use as part of their parenting tool, writes Stuart Danker
CHRISTMAS draws near, and the festive spirit is in the air. So many presents to open, so much eggnog to drink and mistletoe to hang.Surely Santa will be making an appearance this year? What’s that? He doesn’t exist?
Parents often create fictional characters for their children, only to back themselves into a corner when it’s time to tell the truth. Positive characters like Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy have worked children’s imaginations for centuries, helping ensure good behaviour in general.
Coming to terms with reality is easier for Malaysians, as the whole Santa Claus shebang doesn’t fit well into the fact that tropical countries seldom have homes with chimneys. This seems to diminish the belief in Santa as we age, which could be a good thing.
Studies have been conducted on this phenomenon. David Kyle Johnson, a ssociate professor of philosophy at King’s College in Pennsylvania, finds that the moment of truth can bring about consequences. Some children even lose the desire to celebrate Christmas, but these are only the extreme ends of the reaction spectrum.
Christy Anne, a writer for a local publication, says that she was devastated to learn the truth about Santa. “My parents told me that Santa would be very tired travelling to all those children’s homes, that we should always leave him a sandwich and some milk for his efforts. The first thing I used to check when I’d come home was if the food was eaten, and they were, for the most part. Some years they weren’t, but Dad used to say that Santa was running late and would ask me to go to bed. I’d always look up at the sky and try to spot his sleigh.
“My parents broke the news to me when I was 12. Maybe it was because they didn’t want me to go to secondary school thinking he still existed. I was so disappointed that they lied to me, and that Santa doesn’t exist. But the funny thing is I still believe in him.”
Johnson says the moment of discovery does not have to be traumatic. In fact, it can be used to build a child’s critical thinking skills, letting him discover the truth on his own.
However, many would argue that these figures help stimulate a child’s mind. It’s also a medium of c ommu n ic a t ion b e t we e n parents and children. Surely, not all imaginary figures have the potential to put a dent in a child’s expectations?
Take for instance, the Tooth Fairy. While many children around the world are led to believe that this fantasy figure exists, most accept the truth fairly calmly when told of its non-existence.
Radio personality Adeline Choong says: “My grandmother used to tell me to plant my baby teeth in the garden. I had to hold the tooth either upward or downward, depending on the orientation of the fallen tooth, and then throw it upwards and bury it where it fell.
“After doing that, I’d wait in my room for the fairy to fly in, which never happened. I slowly began to realise that the Tooth Fairy didn’t exist, but I didn’t feel bad about it. In fact, when I have children, I’ll tell them the same thing, to help them cope with losing their teeth, and to give them a fun childhood.”
Fun childhood or not, one thing to remember is that a child’s world is always magical, and if you don’t know where you stand in this issue, it’s probably better to err towards the side of imagination.
ARE YOU GUILTY?
NOW that we’ve established these lies as a way to impart knowledge to the little ones, let’s take a look at some common lies parents here tell their children.
IF YOU MAKE THAT FACE, IT’S GOING TO STAY THAT WAY.
This is a favourite threat. It’s also a worldwide favourite. It’s probably been uttered in every language we have in our country.
IF YOU EAT YOUR VEGETABLES, YOU CAN TURN INTO YOUR FAVOURITE SUPERHERO.
Many lies stem from parents wanting to control their children’s dietary habits. When they’re not using this lie, they’re usually playing Popeye on television or surreptitiously sneaking greens into their children’s dish.
WHERE’S THE SEED? IF YOU SWALLOW IT, A TREE IS GOING TO GROW IN YOUR STOMACH.
This probably originated to check if the seed safely made its way to the stomach instead of being lodged in the windpipe.
IF YOU LIE, YOUR EYE TWITCHES.
This lie is not only confined to eyetwitching, but also includes twinkles in their eyes or blue dots on their foreheads.
I’M GOING TO LEAVE YOU HERE.
BYE! Remember the first time you saw a toy store, and just couldn’t get enough of what’s on display? Remember how your parents threatened to leave you there, but you still didn’t heed their calls? Then you’d cry when they hid behind a pillar. Now, you still hear other parents threaten their children this way. It’s common because it’s effective.
YOU BETTER BEHAVE, OR THAT UNCLE IS GOING TO SCOLD YOU.
This involves unsuspecting pedestrians. If you happen to so much as glance over at a child who’s throwing a tantrum, the parents will single you out as the potential baddie who will scold their kid.
I DIDN’T BRING ANY MONEY. WE’LL BUY THIS NEXT TIME.
Back to that toy shop. You want something really bad but strangely your parents seem to have forgotten to bring some money along. If you sulk, your face is going to stay that way forever, and if you refuse to leave, your parents are going to abandon you. Maybe these white lies do work after all.