Being single means more freedom to get bold or creative with New Year resolutions, writes Amanda Suriya Ariffin
I LIKE to call them "promises I make to myself" as the word "resolution" tends to elicit either well-meaning been-there done-that eye rolls or mildly disbelieving looks cloaked with a snigger.
True, many people fail to keep their resolutions past the first quarter of the year, but the mere fact that they bother to make resolutions at all at the start of each New Year is testament to the unflagging faith in wanting to try.
For the single girl, resolutions take on a plethora of flavours, simply because she is unencumbered by putting her significant other's needs before her own. Here are some to chew over:
SPENDING FAST
The economy can be volatile and plainly unpredictable. For the single woman who (a) does not want to marry into wealth, (b) does not view a man as a meal ticket or ATM or (c) does not have a trust fund the size of a developing country's Gross Domestic Product, putting aside money for retirement is a valid concern.
It makes sense, therefore, to be prudent. There is the recent story of a woman in Arizona who resolutely set herself on a spending fast for a year. She stuck to it, and a year later she had become almost debt-free. How did she do it? She refused to buy anything but necessities (groceries, transport, etc).
Yet another inspirational story resurfaced about another woman who refused to buy anything she couldn't pay for with cash.
The results from these two inspiring examples included an astonishing sense of liberation and freedom and a surprising discovery that we can learn to live with much less than we think. Plus point? Seeing as you'll have decidedly less anxiety hanging over your sensible head about future financial comfort, it frees your energies into relaxing a little and enjoying life a little more instead of stressing over how the bills are going to be paid when you're too old to work and would much rather eat gelato in summery Venice.
LOVING YOURSELF
A well-known much-loved publication recently took the bold step of featuring a dozen perfectly normal everyday women in every size from lanky to chubby on its cover. The intent behind it was to celebrate the natural form and push back against the industry-driven idea of perfection.
This is not the first time certain advocacy groups — some backed by bodies corporate — have called for a relaxing of unreasonable expectations and pressure on women to look like a supermodel.
The maxim "If you don't love yourself first, you can't expect anyone else to love you" does hold some weight (no pun intended). Focusing all your energy into having a flat stomach instead of working on How To Be A Real Friend isn't going to earn you many platitudes or fond memories during your funeral. Would you rather have people say "Oh, she was a wonderful person, so genuinely supportive", or "Well, she had a slamming bod up till her 60s, but she was so obsessed about looking good all the time that she forgot how to empathise"?
Besides, why would you want to be with someone who prefers you to look like the grid girl at an F1 race rather than have them see you as you truly are: The complicated, multi-dimensional, warm, funny, clever you with your stable of accomplishments?
So relax about your body image. Real friends and loved ones don't care what you look like, wobbly bits, scars, imperfections and all.
And besides, the real world doesn't care about a perfect figure when there are bigger problems (climate change, famines, poverty, war, disease, crime) at hand.
And if someone gives you grief or makes snide remarks about your weight, eat them too. Right after dessert.
SAY "NO"
A new year is a good time to let go of fermenting skeletons in your emotional closet. Is there a reason you had teary break-ups with the Bad Boys or Mr Emotionally Unavailable this past year? Then say "no" to settling for any dashing thing that looks good in a pair of trousers and makes you giggle on the first three dates.
When you say to yourself that you will no longer accept being treated as an afterthought (when you clearly treat that person as a priority), you open yourself up to people who WILL view you as a priority in their lives. Clear that emotional shelf.
And while you're at it, set yourself a happy challenge. This involves being happy on purpose each day for the allotted challenge period. (It could be 30 days, 60, whatever.) When you learn to be happy by yourself, people will naturally gravitate towards you. Between the proverbial gray skies and sunshine, we know which is harder to resist.
And finally.
Small accomplishments are often easier to achieve than big, seemingly-impossible ones. For example, instead of saying, "I'll pick up a new language this year", try pasting little notes onto everyday objects (desk, cup, clothes, etc) in a foreign language. You can do this with the help of a dictionary, and the best part is you set your own pace.
If your resolution is to travel to one country in each continent this year, perhaps think about travelling to a new State each month, using alternate means such as train, boat or bus. It's less expensive and then you'll come away feeling good about knowing your home country inside out before immersing yourself in a foreign one.
If your resolution is to kick one habit that you're not proud of (nail-biting, gossiping, leaving wet towels on the floor) then set aside a day each week where you don't engage in that habit. Mondays can be No Mess Mondays or you could have Truthful Tuesdays where you won't tell a single lie.
There are 365 days next year in which you can have 365 different flavours of days. For the single girl, resolutions bring the promise of electrifying adventures and fulfilling personal journeys.