TODAY is the first day of Ramadan where Muslims, both young and old, abstain from food and drink from dawn to dusk. The holy month usually numbers 28 or 29 days.
Apart from fasting, Ramadan is also a month for reflection, increased devotion, generosity and sacrifice. Ideally we should retain what we learn and practise every day of the year, but the challenge of the holy month is to do it consciously, making every effort to get closer to our Creator.
This discussion was something my late father and I used to have whenever Ramadan approached. We would talk about hypothetical situations of how the world could be a better place if only we did this or that.
Last Ramadan, I wrote in this very column about how my parents insisted that they be allowed to fast despite their illness and medications.
We had arguments about this. Even though the doctors had told them they were not fit to fast, and religious teachers told them they were excused from fasting, they still wanted to do it because they felt their life was incomplete if they didn’t. It took time and relentless persuasion to get them to accept that they should not fast under the circumstances. It took some research to convince them that the dire consequences of them fasting far outweighed the benefits — physically and spiritually. I’m happy to say that we came to a happy compromise.
However, both my parents still used to wake up for sahur (the meal before dawn) to be with the family. Mum would fuss just to make sure that everyone had enough, especially her grandchildren.
They would also have their dinner during buka puasa or iftar at sunset so that everyone ate together. During the day when everyone was fasting, they would have light meals and keep up their fluid intake so that they could take their medicines and maintain their blood sugar levels to prevent hypoglycaemia.
One of the main things that convinced my parents that they were exempted from fasting is that it is clearly mentioned in the Quran. Fasting during Ramadan is a rigorous exercise where you may have to abstain from food and drink for as long as 14 to 16 hours at a time. With our weather, the strain may be too much for people with certain health conditions.
Both my parents were diabetic, and my mother was on haemodialysis. While they understood that they could make a donation to charity in lieu of fasting (fidyah) because their condition was chronic and permanent with little chance of recovery, they grappled with this idea. It was difficult for them to accept that they could no longer fast, and that they could not even make up for the fast by replacing a day at some point later.
What I discovered about caring for ageing loved ones is their difficulty in accepting new realities and reluctance in admitting their weakened state. Both my parents told me often enough how much they hated ageing mainly because they could no longer do the things they used to and had taken for granted. Coming to terms with it was one of the most bitter medicines for them to swallow, but swallow they did, and they did it in style.
True to the spirit of Ramadan, they embraced the holy month by concentrating on other areas of worship such as offering additional prayers like going for Tarawih, reading the Quran, donating to charity, and inviting family and friends for buka puasa.
I remember how busy my parents’ house was, especially during weekends. There was extra activity in the kitchen where mum would prepare our favourite dishes. My parents had to add extra tables and chairs to accommodate their children and their families. The furniture in the living room was pushed to the walls so that we could all pray together after we had broken fast. When it was time to go to the mosque for additional prayers, we all walked the short distance together. There was laughter and teasing as we jostled our way to the prayer line.
I have many happy memories of Ramadan. When my parents could no longer walk the short distance, one of us would drive them there until they could no longer go to the mosque and we prayed together at home.
Strengthening family bonds is also an act of worship during the holy month, and something that we should maintain at all times. The various ustaz we met counselled my parents that they had no need to feel guilty about taking care of their health and needs. Other groups who are exempted from fasting include travellers, pregnant women and nursing mothers.
Always consult with your doctor about the safety of fasting under individual circumstances, how the dosages of your medicines could be adjusted and the times to take them. Selamat berpuasa.