DO you know Ashley Madison? No, she’s not a drop-dead gorgeous supermodel looking to marry a Malaysian (you wish). It’s the name of a website.
If you know the site, you can be considered a “person at risk”.
If you are a registered user, then you’re a naughty, naughty boy (or girl) who is in so much trouble!
Let me give you a hint in its slogan — Life is short, have an affair.
Yes, it’s an adultery website and, on July 20, news reports said hackers calling themselves “The Impact Group” had stolen a big chunk of its customers’ data. Here’s a few things I learned about Ashley Madison and the hacking incident.
HACKERS reportedly stole the personal details of 37 million cheating spouses, including credit card data, nude pictures and their “secret sexual fantasies”.
The last I know, that figure is more than the population of our country.
THE website, founded in 2001 and owned by Canadian company Avid Life Media, claims to have a new user joining every six seconds.
The hackers have demanded its closure, together with another sugar daddy website owned by the same company called Established Men. But the website catering to old women “looking for a young stud” — CougarLife — was not targeted (I smell a little sexism here).
ITS network is vast, spanning across 46 countries. It does not seem to offer its services in Malaysia (phew, what a relief!) but it is present in our close neighbours (oh, oh...).
It has also, in all places of the earth, found demand in ultra-conservative countries. Ashley Madison is planning a US$200 million (RM760 million) listing on the London Stock Exchange.
Extramarital affairs have always been a curse in human relationships. Writing in the context of a guy, it is always a mystery how men can behave like pigs, and why women keep falling in love with those pigs.
Scientists have said that it is hardwired in our genes, a survival trait that we inherited from our greatest granddaddies, who used to live
in caves and were quite liberal in love. Just as Ashley Madison advertised, “You invented infidelity, we perfected it”.
In the book entitled Tales of Chinatown by Sit Yin Fong, he describes the silly antics of Chinese husbands in the 1950s, who are terrified of their wives and yet, cannot resist having a little love affair.
Bearing in mind that these were written more than 50 years ago, when divorces were not as frequent, I wonder if they are still utilised by men today, who believe that a teapot should have many cups.
Perhaps men have become cautious in this cat-and-mouse or,
more accurately, wife-and-woman game.
To leave the house, the amorous husband has to apply for a passport from the “queen of hell” — his wife.
The applicant has to state the excuse of a business meeting or that his boss has recalled him to do overtime, which always fizzles out.
The illegal rendezvous is not rosy either. Half of the time spent with his girlfriend has to be used to cook up tall tales to explain why he’s home late.
One eye is always on the clock because he cannot frequently say that he met with an accident or stumbled upon an old friend.
And there will be hell to pay if he comes home with lipstick or perfume on his shirt. Even the supper that he brings back cannot pacify the wife who has gone nuclear. He may just get it back — in his face!
According to the Tales, the conversation between lover-boy and his girl of interest goes something like this. It begins with him swearing his love for her, with severe conse quences if he fails to deliver. They include painful, gory deaths like looi kong pek ngo (lightning strike me dead) or pei foong chair long sei (may I be fatally run over by a car).
This will be met by the girl’s half-hearted reply that swearing is as easy as eating salad because it does not need cooking.
The man then stresses his love and protests his innocence of the charge that he is phar lou phor (afraid of his wife).
The girl then taunts him by saying: “Are you not scared of the ngow yee chai or seong lin?”
In Malay, they mean tarik telinga or putar spring, figuratively the same thing.
And back comes his heroic boast: “What! Me afraid of the chiu fan phor (rice-cooking woman)?”
The term positions his wife one step below his love interest — showing no fear at all.
And what if hubby really bumps into his wife in one of his amorous jaunts?
If he and his girl are together with a group of friends, the woman can just be considered an associate.
If they are alone as a couple, he will swear that she tacked herself on him against his will.
And when he has no more room to wriggle and the game is up, he still has one trump card to pull out — the blessed age-old Chinese polygamist mandate of sam chai yee chip! (Men are entitled to three wives and two mistresses).
Disclaimer: This article, published on a Sunday, is meant only for reading entertainment. Husbands and wives are strongly advised to use good sense in keeping their matrimonial vows strong — and their marital beds clean