Last week, a man was caught on camera kicking and raining blows on his wife at a road divider near the Ayer Hitam toll plaza in Johor Baru, while their teenage daughter tried to shield her mother.
The footage of the incident went viral on social media and attracted the attention of Netizens.
Police have since arrested the
44-year-old man from Taman Sri Kluang who, according to investigations, attacked his wife over her constant nagging about the financial problems they were facing.
The case is being investigated under Section 323 of the Penal Code and Section 18(1) of the Domestic Violence Act 1994.
Netizens, nevertheless, were incensed that when the victim needed help, onlookers did not go to her aid, including the person who filmed the entire incident.
“While good laws and law enforcement play an instructive role to
society in bringing about the message that resorting to abusive behaviour is not acceptable, this has to trickle down to the general attitude of our society,” said Lainey Lau,
advocacy officer (law and policy) of the Women’s Aid Organisation (WAO).
“It begins in the home, where children should be raised to become aware that aggression and abusive behaviour cross the line.”
Lau said the cause of domestic abuse was a deeply entrenched belief in our society that violence was an acceptable way of resolving conflicts, and that patriarchal norms were accepted, such as women being subservient to men.
“The cultural landscape of society needs to be transformed so that men respect women as equals and realise that it is not acceptable to resort to abusive behaviour in their treatment of women.”
Last year, WAO attended to 1,133 telephone counselling calls, 109 email enquiries and 217 SMS enquiries from women struggling with domestic violence; conducted 77 face-to-face counselling sessions with domestic abuse survivors; and sheltered 115 domestic abuse victims.
Lau said while respondents gave multiple answers to triggers of abuse, 25 per cent said the abuse occurred for no apparent reason, 48 per cent said their abusers had a “suspicious nature”, 28 per cent reported that the abuse was due to jealousy, 22 per cent said it was due to financial problems and eight per cent said it was due to work-related stress.
“All the domestic abuse victims who sought shelter at WAO suffered from mental abuse. About 95.5 per cent also suffered from physical abuse.
“More than a third suffered from sexual abuse, and more than half suffered financial and social abuse.”
While WAO does not have actual stalking statistics, as stalking often occurs after the survivor of abuse has left the relationship, it estimates that at least one out of 10 of its clients becomes a victim of stalking.
“We advise victims to ensure their safety, as stalking can be dangerous. There is a strong link between stalking and other forms of domestic abuse and crimes, including murder. Even when the victims of stalking are not physically harmed, the experience can leave deep emotional and mental scars,” said Lau.
WAO statistics reflect those of the Royal Malaysian Police, in that the age group with the most reports of domestic violence comprises those in their 20s and 30s.
Lau said it was important to remember that domestic abuse was not an issue affecting only certain demographics or age groups, but was a matter of power imbalance between family members and intimate partners, and cuts across age, race and socio-economic groups.
Reliable statistics on domestic abuse are not easy to attain, as many cases go unreported.
It was a phenomenon that often took place behind closed doors, so the actual statistics were difficult to ascertain, said Lau.
“More women from low-income groups come to us for help. This probably means women from highincome groups are more independent and might not need the help of non-governmental organisations to solve the issues they face.
“Nevertheless, there is an increasing number of women, who are working professionals, who come to us for help, which shows that domestic abuse is not an issue affecting only families of a lower socio-economic status.”
Women and men who are involved in violent relationships should not feel ashamed.
They must realise that the abuser is the one responsible for the violent behaviour, said Dr Anasuya Jegathevi Jegathesan, senior lecturer and academic head of the Master’s in Counselling Programme at HELP University Malaysia.
“Victims need to realise that when their abusers say they (the victims) made them lose their tempers, the abusers have actually chosen to give in to their tempers because, in public or with other people, like their colleagues, friends and bosses, they are able to rein it in.
“The abusers are manipulative and choose submissive partners, perceiving their victims as being in a position of less power and, thus, open to abuse. Sadly, there are some people who are so in love or are so nice that they will give their abusive partners a second chance.
“Sometimes, circumstances are such that people don’t realise they are being groomed, as the abuser has a sense of possessiveness or entitlement and the need to overpower or control another person.”
Methods include undermining their partners’ self-confidence by blaming them for everything that goes wrong, isolating and reducing their support system by cutting them off from family and friends, and escalating insults and physical violence, which are usually forgiven by the terrified partners.
When the couples are in a toxic relationship, the negative behaviour comes under domestic abuse. Post-break-up unwanted attention could be regarded as stalking.
“When their former partners make repeated phone calls, send unwanted messages, texts, gifts and letters, or start following them around, visiting their workplace or favourite haunts to take their pictures, it’s not normal behaviour. How long do you put up with this? ” said Dr Anasuya.
She said such people thought or fantasised about an individual and believed that person “is mine”.
The key, she said, was to look for an escalation in negative behaviour.
“If someone makes a threat against other people or themselves, it is not a good reason to go back to that person. Look out for words like, ‘we are supposed to be together forever; you are my destiny, if you don’t come back to me, I will kill myself’ or ‘I might hurt myself or other people’.
“Desperate to secure any form of contact with their former partners, stalkers may even get family and friends to help patch up their relationships by convincing the victims to agree to meetings or counselling sessions, where the motive is just to gain access to the victims.
“I suggest that parents abstain from this. You are putting your child back in the hands of somebody who is capable of making threats to get what they want.”