I used to love flying. But things started getting a bit macabre after Sept 11. From then on, every time I boarded a flight, the first one hour after the initial climb-out, I would be preoccupied with a number of “What-if” scenarios. At least until I settled into another round of Forrest Gump or Turner and Hooch.
My “favourite”, if you can call it that, would be a catastrophic structural failure of the fuselage that would send me and my fellow passengers plummeting through 32,000 feet to our collective deaths. Would I pass out during the freefall? What would be my last thoughts? Would I be killed instantly or would I suffer the ignominy of bawling like a baby on my long trip down?
With the 9/11 attackers, the passengers had to deal with a couple of determined individuals armed with box-cutters, which admittedly, the hijackers used to great effect. But, over the years, the sophistication of these guys has grown by leaps and bounds, and I constantly marvel at how they’ve managed to “weaponise” almost anything — from shoes to aerosols to gels, and now, rice cookers.
On Dec 22, 2001, Richard Reid boarded American Airlines Flight 63 from Paris to Miami wearing a pair of shoes packed with explosives. He tried to detonate the device, but was subdued by the other passengers. The aircraft diverted, landed safely at Logan International Airport in Boston, Massachusetts, and he was immediately arrested.
In 2002, ‘The Shoe Bomber’ pleaded guilty in a United States Federal Court to eight criminal counts of terrorism, based on his attempt to destroy a commercial aircraft in flight. He was sentenced to three life terms plus 110 years in prison without parole and is held in a super maximum security prison in the US.
Thanks to Reid, countless of passengers suffering from foot rot, bunions, ingrown toe nails, smelly feet or socks riddled with holes, have to suffer humiliation at security checks. At a security checkpoint in Changi Airport some years ago, a couple of Silicon Valley-types in front of me were subjected to such a screening.
“For God’s sake, Vinod, take off your shoes… the man wants to see your shoes… SHOW THE MAN YOUR SHOES…” said the more seasoned, but clearly exasperated traveller to his visibly confused colleague, while I, who was next in line, spent the next 10 minutes sitting on my luggage, unlacing my 8-inch, ankle-high boots, removing them, and then taking out my laptop, and removing the batteries from said laptop… all because Vinod was slow in showing the man his shoes.
And then, there are the binary liquid explosives, where one liquid, on its own, is harmless, but when combined with another, had the potential of ruining your entire day. These days, there’s a 100ml limit for liquids, aerosols and gels that you can carry on board flights.
While in Perth and on the way home after covering the search for Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370 in 2014, I was stopped at the gate by a burly, hairy Aussie wearing an Akubra and a day-glo safety vest. Next to him was a huge bin.
“Sorry mate… can’t bring that in,” he said quietly, nodding at the water bottle I was holding.
I have a strong liking for ice water and had spent my last night in Perth making sure that the 600ml bottle was filled to the gills, and then tucked it in nice and snug inside the freezer so that I would have something cold to lug around while waiting for my flight the next day.
I had had it just right by the time I reached the airport. Half frozen, with the rest of the water swirling around that little, pointy iceberg in the plastic container. I wasn’t in a hurry to let it go. “Sorry. Rules. You can either dump it, or chug it,” he continued, sensing my hesitation. I chugged valiantly for a while, but decided to cut my losses as the spectre of a urinary tract infection loomed.
Recently, Dian Yulia Novi, 27, came under the media spotlight after she was arrested, along with her husband of three months, for plotting to mount a “nefarious attack” with a “weaponised rice cooker” at Jakarta’s State Palace during the changing of the guard ceremony.
A weaponised rice cooker…
I would presume that the four pots of Basmati rice would be substituted with nails, ball bearings and flechettes so as to inflict maximum damage, since grains of rice, even those travelling at 3,200 feet per second, would hardly do the job. Visions of everyday household appliances — the toaster, stand fans and vacuum cleaners strapped with high explosives — abound. I’m just waiting for the day someone finds a way of weaponising a hairy, sun-dried tangerine.
Speaking of a hairy, sun-dried tangerine, Donald Trump’s ascension to the highest office in the US has been nothing short of a godsend for the writers of the longest-running variety show, Saturday Night Live.
It was reported that SNL is enjoying its highest ratings in over 20 years, thanks probably in no small part to Trump and his staff. Alec Baldwin’s impression of Trump has been a firm favourite ever since the first skit aired on Oct 1, 2016, soon after Trump’s first presidential debate with Hillary Clinton.
But, on Feb 4, Melissa McCarthy upped the ante with her rip-snorting guest appearance on SNL. She tore into the gum-chewing, “circular-using of the word” White House press secretary Sean Spicer in a skit about the administration’s contentious, love-hate relationship with the media. Newsweek says McCarthy’s eight-minute long turn as Spicer was one of the best SNL sketches in years.
All Spicer could say about the skit was that her impression needed a little work and that, “I think Melissa McCarthy needs to slow down on the gum chewing. Way too many pieces in there”.
Trump’s reaction? According to a piece by Politico, he was reportedly “rattled” that a woman played Spicer on SNL.
Yep. The next four years are going to be “Yuge”…
This Kajai award winner’s passion is fast jets and flying. When he’s not doing slow speed, high-alpha
passes and four-point rolls, NST’s associate editor of production enjoys zooming around in mountain passes and hitting the twisties with the top down