KUALA LUMPUR: A GREAT sense of gratitude and humility came over me when I was told that I would be part of the Tabung Haji media team to the Holy Land this year.
By the time you are reading this at breakfast, I will be on the same flight with the first batch of Malaysian pilgrims, code-named KT01, as we make our way to perform the fifth pillar of Islam.
Dressed in my navy blue jubah and white headscarf, my journey to Madinah and Makkah began in full anticipation and fear at the same time.
I look forward to setting foot again in the Holy Land since my last visit in 2005, two years after I lost my mum to the big C.
Still, as a human being who is not perfect, I will be lying if I say that I am not afraid of the challenges that God may test me with over there.
My first trip to the Holy Land taught me the greatest lesson in my life, which is that, without any doubt, my Creator exists because for so long I had taken Him for granted.
As a born Muslim, many of us accept God as what has been taught by those before us without any question.
We lead our lives within the guidelines of Islam as best we possibly can. Is it enough? No one knows, except for God, and all will be revealed when it is time to meet our Maker.
During my first trip to the Holy Land, my journey began in Madinah. We stepped inside the Prophet’s Mosque for the first time and took in its beauty. So many believers from all over the world converged on the Holy Land with one purpose: to pray to the one God.
My journey then took a surreal turn when I stepped into Rawdah, some say the closest thing to heaven on earth.
I was clueless about Rawdah in 2005 and was just following several makcik who were kind enough to take my friend and me into the place.
When I first stepped onto the light green carpet, I was instantly overwhelmed by a feeling I could not explain.
As I performed my prayers there, I was taken aback when my face was wet with tears. I just could not stop crying. Mind you, I did try.
From there onwards, my umrah (small pilgrimage) was an interesting and humbling journey. For those who have journeyed to Makkah before, every one of us has experiences to share or withhold, depending on how one processes the experiences.
And I have been told countless times to be very patient and to be careful with what I wish for. Let’s just say, whatever comes across your mind and heart, Allah would grant them almost immediately.
What is the haj? There are shelves of books from various authors who have penned their views and knowledge about it. I have quite a number of such books, including those given by Tabung Haji.
Preparations to perform the haj are absolutely necessary and reading books on it alone will not be enough. One needs to do the practical element as well.
I had just completed the premier haj course about two weeks ago with more than 5,000 of those who will perform their haj this year.
We will be joining over three million Muslims from all over the world in Makkah. Making the much-awaited trip in my late 40s is a reality check in terms of my level of endurance and stamina. Thus, I have to pace myself well and check my health throughout my stay in the Holy Land for more than a month.
The premier haj course has given me a much-needed glimpse of how things will be over there. When I am in the Holy Land, I fully surrender myself to Him as I embark on my spiritual journey, building and strengthening my ties with God.
A poignant paragraph in a book titled Rediscovering Prayer: Communicating with Allah by Dr Bassam Saeh has resonated deeply with me.
“Given a commitment to humble reverence and to deliberateness and patience in one’s recitations, movements, reflection and imagination, prayer serves as spiritual school that trains the believer in patience, endurance, mental concentration, attention, modesty, acceptance of others and the ability to listen to them, calm nerves, careful, deliberate decision-making, moderation in one’s attitudes, avoidance of impetuous, hasty or extreme judgements and wisdom in dealing with other people and life situations.”
With the same spirit, I begin my journey with Bismillah-ir-Rahman-ir-Rahim (In the name of Allah, the most Gracious and the most Merciful).