LISTENING is hard. Everybody hears, but not all are good listeners. How many times have we come across people whom we know do not listen to anything we say. The number is huge.
“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen,” said novelist Ernest Hemingway.
Among the telltale signs that someone is not listening are the glazed look, the blank look and the lack of response. Then, there are the selective listeners who only listen to certain things. Only a handful actually listen to everything that is being said.
Speaking as a trained counsellor, I have to say that listening is key to being an effective mental health practitioner.
Laymen may assume that a counsellor’s job is easy and that it just involves sitting with clients as they pour their hearts out. Take it from me, it is actually an exhausting process to be an active listener as we digest the slew of information shared by clients and constantly having to check our level of empathy.
Author Gary Hopkins said: “Never allow your ego to diminish your ability to listen.”
I have been taught that there are four common active listening techniques — paraphrase, summarise, reflect and clarify. Look up these techniques and try to put them into practice.
Experts say listening is not instinctive. It takes practice. It takes intention. Some say that a simple and effective way to practise listening is to relinquish your defences.
As a counsellor who prefers the humanistic approach of Carl Rogers who introduced the client-centred theory, I have seen how effectively it can promote positive changes in clients.
“We think we listen, but very rarely do we listen with real understanding, true empathy. Yet listening, of this very special kind, is one of the most potent forces for change that I know,” said Rogers. He is spot on.
Those who seek counselling guidance can sense when a counsellor is not listening. When this happens, the client will usually not come back for another session.
Good listening is also important when it comes to doing business, working, studying and forging relationships.
American financier and political consultant Bernard Mannes Baruch once said: “Most of the successful people I’ve known are the ones who do more listening than talking.”
Many of us want others to get our message, which is made possible through actively listening to what is being said. This is a skill that those in Putrajaya must have. During the National Transformation 2050 dialogue, the prime minister and ministers tasked as moderators will embrace their listening skills to the fullest.
For reporters in the administrative capital, listening skills are a must to carry out our duties well. But, it can be tiring when there is an avalanche of assignments to cover, which is almost a daily affair here in Putrajaya.
Nonetheless, the importance of listening well is crucial for many things in life. It requires a healthy dose of patience and an open mind that accepts that whatever is being said is significant to the individual doing the talking.
One principle I adopt religiously in my life when listening is concerned is this — things shared by others may sound trivial to many, but I have learned to respect them because they mean a lot to the one who conveys them.
It is time to put that active listening hat on. It may be tiring, but it is worth the effort for both parties.
With more than 15 years in
journalism and a masters in
Counselling Psychology, the writer is always drawn to the mystery of the human mind and behaviour