FRIENDS and relatives never stop reminding me: you have only one mother, so look after her well. They seldom remind me about fathers, though. It is always about mothers.
As for most parents, if not all, they will tell you that their children are everything.
They give their all to their children. No doubt about it. Some give up on their own dreams so that their children can achieve theirs.
You must have heard the popular saying about mothers and their children. A mother can look after and bring up 10 children, even if she has to do everything herself.
Alas, the reverse may not necessarily be true, that is, 10 children may not be able to look after their mother in her old age. There are enough living examples of this.
But for Che Mah Haji Nasir, who died several years ago, a different story is told.
The late mother of eight children breathed her last under the loving care of her children, led by her youngest, Datuk Zainal Abd Ghani.
I caught up with Zainal a few nights ago. Preferring to take the road less travelled, Zainal has re-invented himself well. He had worked in several places after graduation in the early 1970s, including doing a short stint in the government service.
His last job was that of the chief executive officer (CEO) of Star LRT. After retiring from that, he kept away from public life to focus on the family. And that’s when Bo-Den came about.
Bo-Den is a goat farm located just outside Bahau in Negri Sembilan. Zainal has turned from a CEO of a large corporate entity to that of a CEO of a goat farm. From urban commerce to kampung agriculture.
We were talking about children and family and stuff like that. Zainal used to share stories with me about his efforts to get the family together, especially during occasions like Hari Raya, weddings and such.
We got to talk about parents, parenting, filial piety and childhood.
Let Zainal tell the story: “I was the last in the family. I stayed in the kampung until I went to university.
“So, I got to spend a lot of time with my parents, especially my mother. After my father passed away, my mother took over as head of the family. I learnt a lot from my late mother.
“She taught me about being independent, taking on responsibilities and household chores.
I had a fulfilling childhood in that sense. In the kampung, one
has quite a bit to do before nightfall.
“The windows have to be kept shut. Sometimes, I have to light a small fire and smoke out the mosquitoes around the house.
“Nowadays, we have the health people doing fogging once in a while. My generation in the kampung started doing that long ago.
“I learned living skills from my mother. I felt I was the closest among my siblings to my mother because I spent my formative years with her in the kampung. My kampung is Kampung Melang, in Kuala Pilah.
“In many ways, I feel blessed. I was lucky to have been able to further my studies overseas and landed good jobs that also gave me valuable professional experiences in many ways.”
Zainal’s efforts to get the big family together has succeeded very well.
The basic premise is to make the mother the acknowledged matriarch in the family. The
leader, so to speak. This was well accepted, which made getting the family to bond easier.
“It took quite a while to get things organised. I believe that a family that is closely-knit can achieve more in whatever pursuits they choose to take.
“Nowadays, if there’s a buka puasa in the family home, almost everyone will turn up.
“We need to put up canopies to accommodate everyone. It’s lovely, really. Again, I was fortunate because I have the resources to get things done. And my mother was always at the centre of things.
“I must say, we (the children) all looked after her very well. It’s the least we can do. She’s our mother, after all. She gave birth to us and taught us how to live. She gave us our survival skills.
“Once, she was warded in a government hospital. She didn’t mind it, but we wanted her to have the privacy of her own room. We have nothing against government hospitals, but we transferred her to a private hospital where she was warded in a single room.
“We even managed to get her a medical doctor who could communicate in the Negri Sembilan dialect. This made a lot of difference. I’m fortunate again because family members came together to help me.
“I used this philosophy in looking after my mother. I would do anything for her. I don’t want to look back one day and regret not doing this, or not doing that, for her. I couldn’t live with that.
“And, I’m fortunate that my family members also adopted the same philosophy.
“One night, my mother called to tell me that her television set had broken down. I drove from Kuala Lumpur to get her a replacement set.
“It may look like a small matter to some people. But to an old person, sitting in front of a television at night is important.”
One of Zainal’s contributions to his mother was to send her on her pilgrimage to Mecca.
This was three years after he got his first job in the early 1970s. His mother died in October 2000, aged 88.
“I couldn’t have looked after my mother alone. Everyone in the family helped. My wife, Fatimah, and my children also helped willingly and whole-heartedly. For that, I’m grateful and feel blessed.”
Al-Fatihah to Allahyarhamah Che Mah Haji Nasir.
ahmadt51@gmail.com aat@pahitmanis
The writer is the chairman of Yayasan Salam Malaysia