AN AGEING parent told his children: “I’m not rich. I won’t be leaving properties, jewellery and money for all of you.
“But, I will leave all of you with sufficient education. That would be the single most important and valuable property I have for you. Everything I earn will go towards your studies, besides feeding and clothing you.
“That is a promise I kept to myself even before you were born. Now, there are three of you. All of you have done well and will soon graduate. My task is almost complete.”
How many times have you heard similar words coming from parents, including yours? I’m very sure you would have heard them. In the coolie lines in Bangsar, where I grew up, these words were daily reminders uttered by all parents to their children.
These remarks are still uttered today. But, many of today’s parents are up against so many daily challenges that they may not pay enough attention to their words.
As they struggle to make ends meet, some parents leave the children to their own devices when it comes to studies. Those who could afford it would send their children to tuition or join study groups.
But a couple I know take a different path when it comes to their children’s education. Meet Johan and Stella, parents to Julian and Stephanie. In my opinion, the couple’s devotion to their children’s academic pursuits
is quite rare and worth emulating.
Johan is a local lad, while Stella is a Filipino. They live in Putrajaya. They have one task — to guide their children and prepare them for further studies. As an extension, they are also preparing the children for a meaningful and productive life.
And, the two teenagers, credit to them, have been following their parents’ advice to the letter. Stella, armed with two degrees from universities in the Philippines and Germany, has amassed more than two decades of experience as a lecturer, researcher, entrepreneur and education consultant. She is the effective learning manager of the Heriot-Watt University campus in Putrajaya.
While her role at the university is clearly defined, her partnership with hubby Johan is the one I’m most impressed with. In fact, the manner and single-mindedness in which they pursue their roles as parents are really exemplary.
Both parents are working, which means they divide the responsibilities of guiding their children. The couple have set targets and milestones for their children, meaning they have put a lot of thought into a programme to develop their children.
This early preparation is the key, actually. Once the programme has been put on the drawing board, it is a matter of sticking to the master plan every step of the way.
Both children are active. They pursue music classes, participate in competitive sports, learn foreign languages and still have time to accompany their parents to the kampung on some weekends.
Let’s take a look at Stephanie’s weekly routine. She goes for swimming lessons on Tuesday; Wednesday is taken up by ballet; Thursday is music theory day (Grade 5); Friday, ballet again; and cello (Grade 5) is on Saturday morning. She’s also involved in a theatre performance, and Saturday afternoon is devoted to her acting and drama class.
She gets an off day on Sunday. On Monday, she attends school, but there’s no extra activity, which means she get another “off” day!
Now, her brother’s schedule. Tuesday is Julian’s swimming day; Thursday afternoons, he attends saxophone class (Grade 7); he attends French class on Saturday mornings and continues with his cycling training on most Sundays. Mondays and Wednesdays are free for the lad.
Both children won’t be able to follow their routine if not for their parents’ devotion and dedication. Full credit to Stella and Johan for keeping to the schedule. Discipline — that’s one of the key messages both parents are instilling in their children.
A couple of years ago, both children competed in triathlons! Their parents wanted them to get a feel of real competition early in life as part of their preparations for real life. Exposing them early to competition would help them understand what real-life competition is all about.
Both children benefit greatly from their parents’ support. Stella and Johan have other pursuits, too, and yet are able to divide their time well and not compromise on the quality of life the whole family wants.
I asked Stella what her role was at the university: “I help to future-proof and future-ready students by conducting hands-on workshops to acquire core skills such as time management, critical thinking skills, effective communication, presentation skills and academic writing.
“Do you know that 85 per cent of your success later on in life stems from effective communication skills? In whatever situation that you are suddenly positioned, communicating your thoughts and ideas profoundly gives you a distinct advantage over your colleagues.”
Interesting, isn’t it? How many of today’s parents realise this? She gave another insight: “How do you manage 8,766 hours in a year?
“Drawing on the book of Laura Vanderkam, managing time is about setting your priorities in life and understanding your core competencies. Masters of their time focus on what they can deliver and when there is a lack of time, only their minor priorities suffer and not the major ones.”
I’ve concluded that there are parents and parents. Some parents take parenting seriously. Some parents may not. I wish that all parents would have a chat with Stella and Johan, and look at their approach. Maybe they can adapt the couple’s template to suit theirs.
Twitter@aatpahitmanis
The writer is chairman of Yayasan Salam Malaysia