LAST month, I embarked on my very first umrah, which is the ‘lesser pilgrimage’ made by Muslims to Mecca, at any time of the year. Unlike the annual haj, which is one of the five pillars of Islam, the umrah takes much less time and is physically less arduous.
Naturally, I was nervous to go on this spiritual voyage which I have heard so much about from family and friends. I did plenty of research and sought advice from many people in order to mentally prepare myself for the week-long journey.
The most common advice I was given was to remain patient at all times when dealing with other pilgrims and worshippers in the Holy City of Mecca. No matter what, I must not lose my temper for patience was the key ingredient to reaping the spiritual benefits of umrah.
One of the things I was looking forward to was witnessing hundreds and thousands of people from across the globe—men and women, both young and old, from all walks of life, gathering in one place to worship in peace.
Sounds utopic, doesn’t it?
The reality of having thousands of people from every layer of society in a confined space is that you have no choice but to tolerate all kinds of behaviour: both the good and the bad.
I was warned that I was likely to be shoved aside by a sea of people as I circumambulate the Ka’aba. Some people may walk over my head as I lay prostrate in prayer and some may even be rude to me if I accidentally bump into them.
Despite all of this, I still have to abide by the one golden rule: remain patient.
I was made to understand that many of the people I meet in Mecca come from very humble backgrounds and to be there was
a colossal privilege for them as they had to save up for a great number of years to be able to afford the trip—a trip I see many of my relatives and friends perform so often, sometimes even annually.
Due to the unlikelihood of some people returning to the Holy City again in the near future, they are more aggressive and unapologetic in guarding their ‘prayer spots’ or when navigating their way through crowds. I don’t blame them; you do what you can to take advantage of the time you have while you are there.
Being in Al-Masjid Al-Haram, the Great Mosque of Mecca, is a profound experience because within the walls of the mosque, lies a microcosm of the world. Everyone there may have Islam in common but the people differ greatly in terms of their backgrounds. A pauper could be praying next to a very wealthy man and you wouldn’t know as they would be dressed in the same white robe and they would both be barefooted.
A lot of times, you don’t know what to expect from the person next to you. You wouldn’t know if they were going to be gentle and courteous or brash and unrefined. Despite how you are treated, you still try the best to be considerate no matter how much your patience is tested that day.
One of the biggest lessons I learnt during my umrah was to practise empathy in order to understand and accept why some people behave the way they do, so that I may still connect with them on a human level and remain courteous.
Initially, it was difficult to accept any rude behaviour from anyone because I have always believed that rudeness is never acceptable. However, after much contemplation, I learnt that I simply can’t take every undesirable treatment towards me personally nor can I use it to cast judgment on the person who I perceive as being rude, because even learning something as simple as social etiquette is a privilege not everyone has.
My umrah experience made me realise that we are capable of empathy beyond our pre-conceived limits — it is just a matter of exercising it. We are capable of getting along with very different people even if it may be inconvenient for us. Perhaps, a fine example of this lies in long-term relationships, may it be a marriage or a friendship.
For two individuals with different temperaments to sustain a long-lasting relationship, both have to meet halfway but a lot of times, one chooses to give in completely in order to appease the other.
The selfish side of us would have us convinced that not having our way puts us on the losing team but the reality is, it takes compassion and maturity to put our wants aside to make another person happy or to avoid any conflict.
This seemingly small act not only allows us to maintain healthy relationships with those whom we love, but it also allows us to interact harmoniously with everyone we meet outside our homes, even strangers.
American film critic and historian, Roger Ebert, describes empathy as “the most essential quality of civilisation”. Perhaps, the discord we see in the world today is because we are too selective with whom we empathise.
I have learnt that harmony among people is not a result of like-minded people coming together — differences in mindsets are an asset to any society.
Harmony is a result of very different people, from a multitude of socio-political and cultural backgrounds, paving way for one another with the desire of maintaining peaceful relations.
Raja Sarina Iskandar is a freelance writer, a blogger at www.dearsarina.com. She is a millennial trying to make a difference, starting with herself