IT must be the most difficult message that I have ever written to my daughter. A voice call would have been impossible without breaking down. The message was to tell her that as parents, we understand if she does not visit us this Hari Raya with her newborn baby. I would not feel the slightest bit offended. Sad, yes.
We have explored all possibilities. She and her husband could bring Baby Amaya and enter through the garden gates and to the back garden. Weather permitting, we would be abiding by the social distancing policy and coo at the baby from a safe distance.
As a grandmother, I would have to muster all manner of restraint and resist urges to hug the new mother and kiss the baby. But no, I don't think that would work.
As it happens, too, our eldest son has been going out to work every day for the past two weeks, so he would have been exposed to all sorts of things during his travels on public transport. So, this option has been ruled out.
The next consideration would be a belated celebration two weeks after Hari Raya, during which time our son would have been working from home.
Everyone has agreed to tighter rules of self-isolation during these two weeks and perhaps, with a little easing of the lockdown, we can finally meet up. Meeting up in the park, like strangers keeping our distances, would be so weird.
But let's face it. This will be a Hari Raya like no other. No Hari Raya prayers at the Malaysian High Commission or at the London Central Mosque as all mosques are closed. Thus, no rush to Tuk Din's restaurant after prayers for his much-sought-after lontong, lemang and rendang kerang!
So, not being with close family members who do not live under the same roof, for this Eid, is another new normal under these circumstances. There's no need to feel melancholic as millions of others are in the same predicament.
Two weeks ago, Prime Minister Boris Johnson outlined a road map for the easing of England's lockdown restrictions, but that led to some confusion, with ministers interpreting the PM's message differently.
In a 50-page document, the prime minister said that people can visit a grandparent, a girlfriend or a boyfriend from outside their household if they sit two metres apart and remain outdoors. He said: "So it turns out a maximum of one person per household can meet OUTSIDE and at a 2m distance from a maximum of one person from a different household. Only one!"
However, estate agents can still visit a home to view a house on sale, and a cleaner can make house visits! Is there a way around this that we can circumnavigate to see our loved ones?
One can only see a grandmother or a grandfather but separately and preferably in the park while keeping the required distance. What many people don't understand is, why separately? Why can't both grandparents go to the park to meet their grandchildren if they are well and if they promise to keep to the social distancing rules?
While we are still very confused as to what we are allowed to do, other countries are already on their way with their road maps. The Italian government has lifted some restrictions after almost two months of lockdown. They are allowing families to see one another again and can hug and kiss.
Denmark, too, has permitted grandparents to see and hug their grandchildren.
Switzerland's infectious diseases chief even went the extra mile to say that young children "don't transmit the virus" and therefore do not put their older relatives at risk while adding that grandparents "live to see their grandkids" and stressing that it was important for their mental health to do so.
In the UK, you see video clips of grandparents donned in hazmat suits as a desperate measure to see their grandchildren. One even had a kind of contraption with a plastic curtain, complete with arms, set up in the garden which would allow grandparents to hug their loved ones. I laughed when I first watched it but it is not funny any more when the reality sets in. I can live with touching with gloves on but I can't bear the thought of not being able to smell my new granddaughter.
But it is all for our own safety — ours and theirs and the community at large.
Muslim celebrities in the UK and the British Muslim councils have already issued advice for Muslims to celebrate Eid at home.
We are already thinking of doing a kind of neighbourhood prayer in our gardens as our neighbours are Muslims too. Cakes and Eid delicacies could be exchanged over the garden fence. We can then have our Raya meals leisurely with the Rendang Tuk Mak Nik that I have received from a friend back home and some lemang and rendang from Ani's Makan Café plus some homemade kuih.
And, of course, we will be on Zoom with family members and friends. We will certainly make the most of this Hari Raya with a difference.
On the third day of Hari Raya, I will put on my best recycled Hari Raya clothes and attend a special Hari Raya Virtual Party organised by the British Malaysian Society.
I will take my place in front of the laptop and join many other guests in their resplendent clothes, listening to pantun, enjoying live music and songs and also listening to a talk and a demonstration on the Malay silat. That is certainly something to look forward to.
Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf, Zahir dan Batin.
The views expressed in this article are the author's own and do not necessarily reflect those of the New Straits Times