A FASHION icon in my own mind, I recently made the gutsy online purchase of a pair of tent-like harem pants, which could also unzip at the knees and be worn as basketball shorts (to crank up the glamour). Modelling the full-length version, I noted that I resembled a collapsed roof; while the abbreviated iteration made me look like slaughtered poultry. I set fire to the pants. Two-in-one apparel is a "worn" concept which should be stopped at roadblocks on every fashion runway.
Tragically, a woman in South Africa missed the memo, and recently stretched the concept of dual-purpose clothing to breaking point. The resulting rip was heard across the world.
Late last month, the avant-garde "fashionista" was shopping at a Pick n Pay supermarket in South Africa when she was confronted by a store employee for not wearing a mask. Apparently, Madame (why do I suspect her first name is "Karen"?) had not heard that Covid-19 was ravaging her country, which had even developed its own highly-transmissible trademarked variant. Or maybe she just got confused over which orifices to cover – her ears, instead of her nostrils and mouth.
Karen's ensuing altercation with the supermarket personnel (who is not the most eagle-eyed of health protocol enforcers, as she only noticed Karen's bare mug after she had skipped and twirled mask-less throughout the store, slathering and hacking up her germs on all and sundry, before slithering into the checkout line) is captured in a 1-minute-and-21-second video clip which has gone viral faster than the most contagious coronavirus mutation.
After a brief – and largely inaudible – tiff, Karen mutters to the shoppers around her as she passive-aggressively gives in and casually reaches underneath her dress to remove a pair of black thong panties. (Heaven help us if it had been a heavy flow day).
Still muttering, she arranges the still-warm, soiled underwear on her fingertips before nonchalantly slipping them over her head, and adjusting them to position the crotch section over her face (the medically-prescribed way to wear them, of course). Voila – a makeshift face mask to shield you against Covid-19, but perhaps not a facial yeast infection.
You have got to hand it to Karen – she has a large, erm, scrotum, which now hangs dangerously unsupported.
Suddenly, a woman behind her in line pipes up, loudly declaring that Karen's knickers make for an "acceptable" mask; and emphatically points out that the bacteria on the panties probably far outnumber those you'd find on a mask. She then thunderously applauds Karen for her resourcefulness (take that, girl scouts!).
To me, it SEEMS like the overly-enthusiastic scene-stealing bystander is throwing shade and obliquely ridiculing Karen, as she herself is appropriately masked – in a regulation surgical face covering, not a damp sock she had just taken off, or a torn shoulder pad.
But I can't be sure. There's a chance her name is "Karen" too.