LAST week was an interesting one for me. I was accused by Twitter netizens of so many things and just like that, the story went viral and tens of thousands of people shared it without knowing head or tail.
These people are strangers and have never met me in their lives but the hatred and words were just vicious. What is false became true in people’s eyes and even if you clarify or show proof, people are not interested because the truth simply isn’t as juicy.
People crave for stories and scarily, this is the world we live in now.
But I’m not here to talk about that. It’s done and dusted but even as I move on with my life, I cannot help but realise that the real issue is still out there, lethal, unaddressed and is ready to ravage its next victim.
From this whole episode, I received countless messages from people telling me of their similar experiences—maybe not of the same magnitude but they spoke of friends who make stories about them and how lies are twisted as truths.
One comment about the whole cyberbully issue was striking to me. A girl said that she considered suicide! I realised then that people’s sensitivities are different and different people take these things differently.
It might be something I get over, but for some, it’s a matter of life and death. This was more serious than I thought!
This made me think about our generation — nice girls and guys whomay have secret lives of fake accounts and hatred towards strangers they feel dissatisfied with.
We just never know anymore because social media lets us hide behind anonymity and allows us to lead double lives.
My lawyer found out that a man accusing dUCk of horrible things using vulgarity behind an anonymous account is actually a doctor. The person who is supposed to help us heal, has this much bitterness behind closed doors? It’s just so scary!
The world is becoming really unhealthy, nasty and superficial. It’s no wonder the depression rate is going up, even among young adults!
All around us, social media is exuding negativity and anger that even if you are happy with your life, it can make you think twice.
So what do we do? Delete our social media apps? No, never do that. If you do that, it just shows how you’re avoiding reality and running away from what’s happening in life. Only cowards tell you to delete your apps. Umm, hello, we worked hard for our 65 followers. How dare you?
You have to face it. You have to face reality. You have to be okay to read bad comments about yourself. You have to be able to digest it to see if there’s any ounce of truth so you can improve yourself, while discarding the mean, baseless ones. You have to be able to rise above all that, to be able to accept yourself and love yourself, with the good and the bad.
I read each one. Vivy sucks? Well yes, everyone sucks at something. Maybe this girl saw me dance before. My apologies to her, no one should see that. Vivy is not an icon? Ok, no problem, that’s not my occupation anyway.
Vivy doesn’t deserve success? Well, no one should think they deserve success. That’s just being arrogant and entitled. Vivy is a joke? Come on, that one, she meant joker — meaning I’m funny. That’s just sweet. Ok I joke, but honestly I self-reflected a lot!
TAKE THE GOOD WITH THE BAD
I have always been a person who could take bad comments even from 10 years ago when I started blogging. My mum gets affected more than me if someone has something nasty to say. I don’t get affected not because I don’t care but because I can accept the fact that everyone deserves to have his or her own opinion.
Once you accept this, your life becomes calmer. Why are you trying so hard to defend people’s opinions of you? Why does it matter so much to want everyone to like you? Even you don’t like everyone in this world, so why be a hypocrite?
I find it baffling when public figures try to argue with nasty comments — you put yourself out there, show everyone how amazing your life is, what you bought etc, and you expect all the comments to be about loving you?
Come on, that’s not fair. People are going to resent you, and that’s okay — just don’t get mad at people who don’t agree with you. The only time I will argue back is when someone spreads lies about my family, my company or just to clarify facts.
If it’s “I don’t like her, she’s cancelled”, then just let them cancel you, whatever that means.
SECRET TO HAPPINESS
So what can you do to be happy in this toxic world?
Focus on what matters — your family, your job, your best friends, your relationship with God. If these things don’t make you happy, you might want to check why and change that. Because the truth is, these are the true blessings in life that can give you so much happiness if you respect these relationships and are grateful for them.
Fill your time wisely. Sometimes I wonder how people have so much time to spend on Twitter or on gossip sites just talking bad all day about strangers.
Don’t they have a job? Don’t they have to cook for the family? Don’t they have to floss their teeth or something? Everyone is given 24 hours in a day and time is the most precious commodity because you can’t get it back. Fill it by doing good things! If you have too much time, please send your resume to FashionValet and dUCk — we have loads for you to do.
Talk to your loved ones. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a robot who doesn’t have feelings. Hey, I’m a sensitive and delicate flower, ok?. I cry when I’m sad, I binge on chips and ice-cream when I’m down. But the first thing I always do is to talk to my loved ones — my husband, my best friends, my sister, my parents… sometimes my helper Kak Siti pretends to empathise if no one else is free.
That’s all, the list ends there. I don’t post on social media to get attention — that does absolutely nothing to help. Unfortunately, that’s the first thing a lot of young people do to channel sadness and anger.
The last and the most important of all is to accept that it’s okay if people don’t like you, it’s okay if people talk about you, it’s okay if they say mean things about you. Defend lies or fitnah thrown at you, yes, but it’s fruitless to defend opinions about you because your life is bigger than strangers’ perspectives.
But it’s not okay to not care at all. When you hear opinions of you, listen. When you hear what others have to say about you, care. That’s actually your ticket to self-improvement, your chance to right some wrongs, your pathway to becoming a better person. Accept it with an open heart, change for the better, and move on. Do not dwell and stay in bed for three days.
I’d like to leave you with this: Nobody is perfect. I think what triggers this toxic social media world is that everybody wants to portray perfection — the perfect meal, the perfect family, the perfect body (damn that Meitu app tricking us that girls’ legs are longer).
Have fun with social media, but bear in mind that people will always show only the good stuff. No one is perfect, no life is perfect, and striving for perfection will just lead to so much pressure, even depression so don’t let yourself go into that black hole. Find your strengths, accept your flaws and love your life as a whole even with its sucky bits.
To me, that’s the only way to be happy amongst fake accounts and ketiak-putih-tinggi-langsing comments. Now, go fill your time and floss your teeth.
PLAN V
Fashion Valet co-founder and 2018 Women Empowerment Year icon Vivy Yusof muses about the struggles of being a working mum and finding balance as a multi-faceted woman... in heels of course. Follow her journey at @vivyyusof and on her YouTube channel.