IN our quest to raise happy and successful children, we sometimes cannot stop comparing them with other children. The danger of doing this is that it usually ends with negative thoughts.
When we start comparing our lives or our children’s lives to others, our minds will only choose to see our failures. This gave rise to the phrase “the grass is always greener on the other side”. However, if we take a moment to think about it, is it always true?
Is the grass always greener on the other side? Do we know what the owner of that land does to make the grass greener?
These are the questions that we usually do not ask ourselves; instead we only choose to see the results on the surface. The truth is, the grass can always be greener wherever it receives a lot of water, care and attention. This is a very good analogy to apply to our own lives.
How do we treat our family in our daily interactions? How much time do we spend with them? Do we really listen to their problems, needs and aspirations?
The answers to these questions will give us a better understanding of why members of our family behave the way they do. Congratulations if you have already watered your grass a long time ago. Now, it is time to enjoy the greenery and the beautiful landscape. However, if you have neglected your family for a while, it is never too late to start all over again.
Now that you are aware that the grass on your side is not as good looking as that of others, it is time to do something about it.
We should be grateful that we still have that small window of opportunity before our children leave home. Let’s not waste time and start building beautiful memories together. Realign your priorities — family must be always on top of that list.
Plan your next few months carefully so that you can spend most of your time with your family. Do not forget to track your success and happiness. In a few months, chances are you will see your family in a different light. You will be aware of problematic behaviour or uncooperative children. They are not bad people, sometimes they just want your attention. Once given, all the symptoms will magically disappear.
In their place will be laughter, joy and happiness. At the end of the day, comparing your family to others rarely brings good results unless it is to motivate you to do better.
In that case, comparing efforts is a lot better than comparing failures. We should feel inspired when we see other families spending time together.
We should also feel envious if they can live their lives harmoniously without trouble.
Most importantly, we must learn from them and make an effort to do the same for our family. When we do that, we can safely claim that we have taken all the right actions. Instead of feeling anxious and jealous about how other gardens look like, we should tend to our own gardens and learn how to draw from our own strengths.
Zaid Mohamad coaches and trains parents to experience happier homes and more productive workplaces. Reach him at zaid@smartparents.com.my