WHAT? They left the wedding to spend the night somewhere else? I would give them three months and no more,” thus was the pronouncement from one Makcik Bawang upon hearing that we, the bride and groom, had escaped to our pre-planned destination for the night, against the unwritten rules of marriage and wedding conventions.
Forty years, four children and a grandchild later, I can still feel the sting of her words.
When planning a wedding, there’s no escaping the Makcik Bawang brigade: they loom large in the scheme of things; from how much dowry is paid and what’s on the gift trays to venues, guest list and apparently when and where you spend your wedding night.
It would seem that everything hinges on “Nanti apa pulak orang kata?” (what would people say?).
If too little a dowry is accepted, you’d be frowned upon for giving your daughter away way below the market price. Too high, then you are accused of selling your daughter.
Anyway, there’s no end to stories about Makcik Bawangs; I just got reminded about them during my recent short trip back when I attended three weddings. And during that short period of time too, my husband and I hosted one for our daughter and new son-in-law.
Compared to the three, ours was a simple, small family get-together which we refused to term as ‘kenduri’ as that would have upset a lot of people missing from the guest list. When asked, we said, it was just a family get-together to introduce the newlyweds to family members; no floral arrangements adorning the pelamin, nor kompang and accompaniments. Not even a new dress for the mother of the bride — the makciks would have had a field day with all that was lacking at our do.
Anyway, in between greeting guests and hugging relatives I had not met for years; I couldn’t help reflecting on how much weddings have changed.
As a child, I remember the build-up of excitement, starting with the house-to-house visit carrying bundles of invitation cards in pink envelopes, beautifully written for the guests. A card in the mail would have been acceptable, of course, but a card AND a visit would have been deemed such an honour; an insult not to attend.
Now, perhaps because of sheer convenience, an email with an E-invite card attached would suffice. The invites are even WhatsApped to friends. I have read on social media grumblings about WhatsApped invitations that added insult to injury as they didn’t even fill in the names of the guests!!
As a child, it was always an honour to be allowed into the bride’s room as she is being made up by the Mak Andam — the makeup lady, and probably one of the Makcik Bawang insiders. Did she notice any sign that indicated the bride to be had been less than pure? I guess this would be the time to brief the bride; not to smile too much as she would be considered too eager to get married, and certainly not to steal glances at her husband! No wonder in old wedding pictures, most couples looked as if they were in the saddest day of their life!
Nowadays, makeup ladies can be found offering their services on social media and for the right fee, will transform the bride while being filmed and photographed for the video clip to be found online!
The night before would have been a great night for the bride as her fingers and hands were stained with decorative henna. Before the akad for my daughter in London, we had a friend who expertly did this for her and six years ago, for my daughter-in-law. She was also the one who did the sirih junjung. We had a henna night for both and a good time was had by all.
What is a wedding without the aromatic fragrance of the bunga rampai (a potpourri of flowers and finely-cut pandan leaves with sprinklings of perfume). This session would also be a good gathering for families to catch up.
I can’t help noticing that certain practices that were carried out 40 or 50 years ago are frowned upon today. Take for example the merenjis, or the sprinkling of scented water, by parents and elder relatives of the couple. This is now considered un-Islamic. But people still get to bless the couple even without the merenjis bit and even close friends and office mates are roped in to do so as well. A selfie with the couple on the dais is not to be missed, of course.
Through social media, I have noticed an interesting trend; a flash mob from the guests, dancing to a Bollywood tune or the joget. And sometimes, even more interesting is when the bride and groom join in the fun. This would have the hardcore Makcik Bawang foaming at the mouth!
During my firstborn’s wedding at a hotel in London, his siblings had prepared surprises which had him breaking down in tears. We had the newlyweds ushered in by a kompang group to the accompaniment of the Salawat, and later his younger brother performed a silat demonstration, followed by a Tarian Asyik by his sister. Staff and non-Malaysian guests were so impressed by what they described as very much a cultural show, giving glimpses of Malaysia to them.
A friend in London, whose daughter married a Scottish lad, had the Scottish guests led in
by two bagpipers in kilts. They were then greeted by the Malaysian side with the beating of the kompang. What a beautiful scene out there in a small part of London!
Another modern feature at a wedding is the photo booth. I found this rather fun — we get to wear silly glasses with moustaches and a Mr and Mrs cards. Singles would have one that says, “I am next” or “I am Available”.
I used to frown at the wedding lists that you get when invited to an English wedding. How could they ask for presents? But isn’t this the most practical thing to do? At my own wedding, before we scooted off to where we were that night, I caught sight of at least 10 trays, five flasks, and a few dozen tea sets. I wonder where they are now. Cash in those small packets is most practical, to help the newlyweds.
Weddings, big or small, are expensive affairs. Do what is affordable and wish the couple lots of happiness and luck for the journey they are about to start together. I am still recuperating from the small get-together.