WHEN your loved one gets sick, all attention would be on him/her. It’s natural that everyone would focus on how he could get better. In the midst of it all would be the primary caregiver who silently steps into that role. The caregiver may not be prepared or equipped for this, but many do so without a second thought. You just do your best because someone you love depends on you.
There’s so much to do! On the one hand, you need to pay close attention to the goings-on around you as you absorb instructions from the different doctors on what to do and the appointments to keep, as well as when to give the medications. Then there’s also the patient that needs your attention. Your mind is in turmoil as you struggle between how you feel about it all and what you have to do.
Many caregivers can do this for months or even years. Most of the time, if it’s taking care of the usual needs like bathing, feeding, giving medicines and going for treatments and follow-up check-ups, your life can settle into some comfortable routine. You can even slot in time for your errands and “me time”.
However, when caregiving becomes more challenging like when you have to care for someone with dementia, seizures, and situations where you can’t leave them alone, you need to have a Plan B. This is especially important in case you fall ill.
HAVING A PLAN
Caregivers who’ve been under a lot of stress, and those who have put in long hours without help and little sleep are susceptible to illness. Caregiver burnout and stress that go on for years can give you major illnesses like heart diseases, hypertension and even diabetes. This isn’t so much because it may run in the family but more because your body and its immune system have been compromised.
You may get cough, cold and flu more easily when you’re fatigued. You can’t be there when you’re contagious. So what happens when you can’t take care of your loved one? Is there someone who can step in?
Like any succession plan, you have to identify capable people who are ready and willing to step in and help you at any time. For them to be able to do this, you’d need to be able to brief them on the situation without holding back the truth, especially if your loved one has dangerous tendencies or can harm his caregiver. Your substitute should be able to be on guard and defend himself or herself should such situations arise. It helps if he/she has assisted you with your loved one.
It also helps if you can be contacted at any time should the need arise. This will very likely happen in the early days. Sometimes, if this were not possible – whether you’re down with flu or on a long flight somewhere – the new person in-charge should be knowledgeable and resourceful enough to deal with difficult situations. That’s why it’s always good to have more than one person in the know.
BE PREPARED
Information to share for the handover includes a list of important phone numbers to call in case of emergencies. The list should comprise numbers of the patient’s doctors, hospital, ambulance service and therapists, as well as family members.
When my late parents were ill, we always kept a copy of the latest medical report from the last check-up, including the medications and dosages to bring along whenever we had to make an unscheduled visit to the doctor.
Your substitute or temporary caregiver may be enthusiastic and make plans for outings and order food to be delivered from restaurants. But caution him/her to be mindful of your loved one’s situation. Some patients don’t do so well when they go out in public; the music might be too loud or seeing too many strangers may cause them to panic.
Your loved one’s diet is also very important – what he can or can’t eat and what might interact with his medications. If he’s a dialysis patient, he may have to limit his fluid intake from drinks and also from food with high water content.
These are information caregivers need to share with others who are going to help them care for their loved one. It may appear as though you can’t really let go while you take a break, but you can. Just be organised and cover all the bases.
As caregivers, we often believe that we should pour in the best of what we can for our loved ones when they’re sick. But at some point we must find people who can also do what we do should we need it.
Putri Juneita Johari volunteers for the Special Children Society of Ampang. She can be reached at juneitajohari@yahoo.com.