HARI Raya is just a week away and it'll be a long weekend for many of us. This means there'll be lots of people travelling, whatever their mode of transport may be. It's going to be busy and things can get quite crazy. So be prepared!
For those who have to care for their ailing loved ones, things may be different for you this year. You may not be able to follow certain traditions like hosting the family gathering on the first day of Hari Raya.
Even if you're not a caregiver, the idea of hosting a family gathering can strike instant terror. You can end up feeling pressured to do too much with too few resources. What should have been an enjoyable time ends up becoming an ordeal.
These things can take a lot out of you, especially if you also have to cook the meals and prepare the house to receive guests. If your situation has changed this year, for example, your ailing loved one needs more care and attention, or you yourself aren't as well as you were before, it's time to celebrate with a difference.
DIFFERENT APPROACH
Here are some ways to deal with this. Firstly, choose not to host this year. Ask someone else in the family to take over and give it a try. You can even begin a new tradition of rotating who gets to host the celebration.
Get rid of niggling doubts and guilt. You don't have to do everything. Some people have a tendency of taking on more than they realistically can handle. If you're not up to it, just say so.
Don't assume that those around you know what you're going through and that you're just too exhausted to play host this year. There's no shame in saying "no" or asking for help. Be less of a "people pleaser" and take better care of yourself.
If cooking for a crowd has become difficult for you, order the food from your favourite caterer. Remember to plan ahead and make your bookings. Leaving anything to the last minute is never a good idea.
Even if cooking has been assigned out, there's still the house to prepare. Between your duties as a caregiver, fasting and the extra things you need to do to get the house ready, you may run yourself ragged even before the party. This is the time for you to review what you can do, and what you'd rather not do.
If, for whatever reason you still have to host, get the rest of the family involved in the preparations.
Remember that saying, "many hands make the burden light"? They may even help you take care of the ailing loved one while you make the preparations.
Use this opportunity to take a break from routine and get out on your own. It could be a collaboration where tasks are divided and carried out smoothly. Again, this too needs some coordination.
When people offer to help, don't assume they know what to do. Have a list ready, but don't overload that one person with a long list. It could be something as simple as buying ice or flowers.
SHOOTING DOWN STRESS
While all this is going on, remember to give some attention to the needs of your ailing loved one. Whether you're hosting or visiting, ensure that your ailing loved ones aren't bombarded by noise and crowd. Find a quiet space where they can find refuge, especially if their illness makes them easily agitated and restless.
By now, you should know how much time your loved one can tolerate being out of routine. If you're hosting, whisk your loved one away to his/her room to rest. But if you're visiting, time your visit or ask the host if there's a place where you can go to if your loved one needs some quiet time if they get cranky.
If your loved one is on a strict diet, always pack something from home that he can enjoy, should the food served be unsuitable. Bringing a fresh change of clothes and some hygiene supplies is always a good idea too. You'll never know when you need those.
Planning ahead of time can cut down the stress of trying to trouble shoot on the spot. For some people, the first day of Hari Raya is the day they host. For others, it's the day they visit.
If your first day is about visiting loved ones, try to manage the number of houses you visit. Don't be overly ambitious about visiting people on the first day of Hari Raya. Your ailing loved one may not be able to cope.
Remember, when it comes to holiday events like Hari Raya, it's the quality, not the quantity, that counts. The whole idea about getting together during special holidays like Hari Raya is to strengthen ties that bind.
Wishing you a blessed Hari Raya Aidilfitri.
[The views expressed in this article are the writer's own]
Putri Juneita Johari volunteers for the Special Community Society of Ampang. She can be reached at juneitajohari@yahoo.com.