LAST YEAR, the top reason children and teenagers wrote to Befrienders Kuala Lumpur to seek help was because of relationship issues. Second on the list was depression and mental health issues. Other factors include family problems, physical and cyberbullying, study stress (pressure from parents and teachers), social difficulties and inability to fit in.
A worrying issue is suicidal or self-harming behaviour.
“Children and teens below 19 often choose to email us for help. They make up 21 per cent of the 2,685 emails we received last year. However, the number could be higher as about 47 per cent of the emails we received did not specify the age of the writer, but there is a high possibility that most of them are children and teens,” said Befrienders Kuala Lumpur publicity director Ardy Ayadali.
Most the emails were from females (71 per cent) compared with 23 per cent from males, while the gender of the remaining 6 percent could not be determined from their email. Most were children and teenagers from urban areas and a large percentage of the emails spoke about mental health concerns.
“They believe they are depressed, but have not sought professional help because when they told their parents their concerns, they were brushed aside. Some resort to self-harm,” says Ardy.
Last year, 27 per cent of the 21,256 people who contacted Befrienders KL mentioned suicide.
Childline Malaysia steering committee member Datin P.H. Wong says worldwide statistics of child helplines show that mental health issues top the list of concerns of children and teens who make contact. Malaysia’s child helplines are no different. Depression is the most highly discussed issue, followed by loneliness and self-harm.
“Everyday, children and teens get their self-esteem knocked down at school and at home.
“Besides being bullied and not fitting in with their peers at school because they are less attractive or different, they also feel depressed when they are not selected for key roles in school activities or performances by their teachers. It is worse when even their own families don’t have time for them. If a child is not emotionally strong, it can wear down their self-confidence and lead to depression,” says Wong.
She says when it comes to voicing problems, boys generally find it more difficult to open up.
“When they cannot voice their fears, frustrations and anger, it can lead to depression. In a Child Helpline survey conducted four years ago, boys called the helpline six to seven times and hung up before finally summoning the courage to talk to someone.
“Parents need to ask themselves this question: At home, are we giving the child respect as a valuable member of the family and the right to speak and voice their opinions? Malaysians typically tend to ‘instruct’ children and do not take their feelings into consideration.
“For many kids, life is a series of instructions.
“At school, they are given instructions, and when they get home, there are more instructions; from going to tuition to doing their homework.
“It would be great if parents could keep a log and jot down how they are communicating with their children. Are they talking to their child or just instructing them?
“Even giving their child a few minutes of their undivided attention is enough to make them feel important.
“Parents need to understand their child’s personality and strengths and not compare them with other people’s children. As a society, we should celebrate the different interests of every individual and find ways to encourage this.”
There is increasing pressure for children to succeed in urban areas and it is a very specific definition of what this is, says Voice of the Children chairman Sharmila Sekaran.
“People tend to spend time on those who excel. We are always looking for that standout person or star with the plus factor that has young people scrambling to be like them, but unfortunately, when they don’t succeed, it results in low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness.
“In urban areas, children have to attend class after class — from school to tuition to piano to some other activity — and children are cracking under the pressure.
“Ultimately, children want to please the people in their lives, whether it’s parents, teachers or coaches, and to get their attention.”
Sharmila says in urban areas, young people are continuously bombarded by advertising and images in magazines and television portraying a certain image of
success and prosperity, and if youth feel they cannot achieve that ideal, they may go on a downward spiral.