TRUST is such an important emotion for us.
And, “…trust me, I will sort this out” is possibly the most clichéd expression at any workplace. Often, it is a catchphrase for two scenarios.
The first, is when you want your boss to back off. Employers tend to micromanage their teams. While you might think that they have some personality disorder that makes them control freaks, the reality is closer to the fact that they are heavily vested in the outcomes they need from you.
The second is when you mess something up and ask for more time. For instance, you don’t deliver a report as promised. When your boss enquires about the whereabouts of the said report, your first response would be to tell him them to trust that you will deliver the report soon.
You want people to trust you and in return, you need people you can trust.
I have referred to this research previously. In 2001, Dr Daryll Hull and Vivienne Read, from the University of Sydney, funded by the Business Council of Australia, undertook a study to examine some of the top-performing workplaces in Australia, and analyse the reasons for their success.
One of drivers identified in this study as a key to creating an excellent workplace, is “being safe”. This driver is founded on emotional stability. Feeling safe and secure only comes from the confidence, and particularly the experience, of knowing that other people in your workplace care for your well-being, and that you can trust them. In an excellent workplace, there is a strong and practical belief in the sentiment “all for one and one for all.”
But, before you appeal to your spouse, kids, friends, bosses or colleagues to trust you, you have to be clear about what you are asking them. Really, you are requiring them to have confidence in you.
I only have confidence in a person when they have indicated to me that they are worthy of any trust that I may give them. This is the reason why the word “worthy” follows the word “trust”.
Therefore, before you invite anyone to trust you, reflect a little on your interactions with them, check your track-record with them, and question yourself on whether you have kept your word with them. This will tell you whether the person is well placed to afford you any trust.
If you have a history of breaking promises, then you have no right to ask anyone to trust you.
I learnt this the hard way.
About 15 years ago, in one of my early forays into business ownership, I established a small music production house. It began as a hobby project, but it had the potential to be proper a proper business entity.
I brought together a crew of musicians to form a fusion ensemble and I was really keen to cut an album and put on concerts. I created a business plan, booked concert venues, sorted out a studio to record our first album, figured out a distribution network through an independent music distributor, and got extremely excited.
After everything was set up for the album and the launch concert, I rea-lised that I was short of money. My then business partner and I had dug up every last penny we had, and invested in this grand project. But still the math did not add up. We were short of RM15,000 to get the venture off the ground. In those days this was a princely sum.
So, like all good promoters of bootstrapping start-ups, I created a deck, infused myself with passion and went calling on my friends for money. After a few rejections, I found myself a little depressed that I couldn’t raise the funds.
It was then, that one of my closest friends came to my rescue. He said that if I raised RM5,000, he would lend me the rest, free of any interest charges. Now this was a tremendous offer.
I don’t know how, but I managed to raise the RM5,000. And, he immediately gave me the balance and my project got off the ground. His only condition was that he wanted me to be specific and tell him when I could return his money. He applied no pressure on me and told to decide based on my financial projections.
I was so grateful to him. I made some mental calculations and promised that I would give him the money back in 3 three months.
Of course, I did not factor in any possibility that the venture would take a longer time to mature. I was purely driven by enthusiasm.
My partner and I launched the album and the maiden concert, to critical acclaim. But the critical acclaim did not automatically translate to a hefty bank balance.
When the time came up, I could not pay my friend. I was a little embarrassed, but I was not worried. After all, this was one of my closest friends. He had seen how much effort and energy I put into the project. And on many occasions in the previous three 3 months, he had heaped praise on me for successfully pulling the project off. I arranged for a meeting with him to explain that I need a further 3 three months before I could settle his friendly loan.
He listened intently as I showed him the finances of this new business. He nodded with agreement and intimated that he understood my predicament. Finally, when I asked if it was okay, he looked at me and just said, “I am hugely disappointed with you”. This came like a lightning bolt. I thought he understood.
I started to re-explain the finances. He stopped me. This is when he offered me one of life’s biggest lessons. He completely understood the intricacies of business and that I might need more time to pay him back. That was not what disappointed him. He was upset that when I agreed to pay the money back in 3 three months, I was not sure that I could. In his view, I made a promise without thinking it through. This now meant, he could no longer trust me, one of his closest friends.
Suffice to say, the money was paid back and 15 years on, we remain close friends. But the lesson I learnt was far more important.
When someone trusts you, they are saying that they are willing to make making an exchange with you, even if they do not have full knowledge about your intent, and your promise. And when you over-promise and under-deliver, this leads to a trust-deficiency. You cannot sustain a relationship with anyone when there is this deficiency.
Building trust at the workplace, or with your spouse, or your business associates, are all founded on this. You must be mindful of what you say you will do.
Shankar R. Santhiram is managing consultant and executive leadership coach at EQTD Consulting. He is also the author of the national bestseller, “So, You Want To Get Promoted?”