THERE is just too much to stomach in this holy month of Ramadan. First, the death of naval cadet Zulfarhan Osman Zulkarnain , 21, from the Universiti Pertahanan Nasional Malaysia (UPNM) who was brutally tortured by his college mates — just over a laptop; and second, the death of T. Nhaveen, 18, who was brutally assaulted by five youths.
Their senseless deaths have raised many questions, and it’s the topic that has been debated for a long time, but with no effective solution in sight. Bullying and gangsterism started ages ago. Who’s to blame for such deaths? Parents? Neglect? Our education system? The Internet?
The blame game should stop in order for us to start solving the problem. The problem has become quite rampant in recent years. These two incidents showed that our youth seemed to have lost all sense of compassion and humility. What has happened to our tagline, a caring society?
Let’s first examine some of the common causes of bullying. A bully is a person who purposely hurts others. Bullying is an unwanted, aggressive behaviour that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behaviour is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Those who are bullied and who bully others may have serious, lasting problems. The victim, especially, are more likely to experience depression and anxiety, increased feelings of sadness and loneliness, changes in sleep and eating patterns and loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy.
As a rule of thumb, bullies come from dysfunctional families, although there are exceptions to the rule. Bullies don’t care how others feel. Some children either lack empathy or just relish seeing others in pain as in the case of the youths who bullied the late Nhaveen. A common reason that a kid is a bully is because he lacks attention from parents at home and lashes out at others for attention.
According to a former disciplinary teacher, the root cause of disciplinary problems is when students get involved with bad company. Influence of friends is a great factor.
Even more so when parents are too busy with work that they don’t have the time to monitor their children’s activities after school. Once the children start to mix with bad hats, they start to feel that they are superior. Being able to make other students obey them makes them feel great — as if they are heroes. Where does bullying occur most often? Those who had been bullied revealed that the most common place for bullying to occur was at the playground, and the less common to be bullied, in the classroom, while a handful said in corridors and hallways.
A study from the University of California Los Angeles (UCLA) found that most bullies have almost ridiculously high self-esteem. The same study showed bullies are often popular in school (for the wrong reason) and their victims are unpopular. This can make the pain of bullying even more brutal. Kids who push others around are often driven by the need for power. They enjoy being able to subdue others. These types of kids are typically impulsive and hot headed and they thrive when their victims cower in their presence.
It is not right to treat any human being or even animals in such an inhumane and barbaric act. All religions in this world teach us to be kind to people and animals. What were the six college mates thinking of when they did what they did to Zulfarhan? And, the alleged assault on Nhaveen, what triggered it? Whatever the reason, we cannot condone such a barbaric act. A lot of soul searching needs to be done here.
I feel our very own education system has failed in shaping our children into good and responsible adults. We lack subjects that teach students to be responsible, to have respect and to be kind to one another as human beings. There should be more subjects that teach moral values in the school curriculum starting from primary, secondary and right through the tertiary level. Such moral values must be imbued in children and repeated so that the values are deeply ingrained and they will remember them for the rest of their lives.
Schools should also have more task-based learning where students are required to work as a team to help others. For instance, kudos to Maktab Rendah Sains Mara Tun Ghaffar Baba Form Five students, who are involved in projects such as distributing food and cleaning kits to the homeless around the Masjid Jamek area while waiting for their SPM results early this year. Recently, the group has helped set up a library for the Rohingya refugees in Ampang. Such projects will help instill the spirit of helping people instead of bullying them.
We need more of such acts.
Wan Norliza Wan Mustapha is a former Associate Professor at th Language of Academy Studies, Universiti Teknologi Mara (UiTM), Shah Alam. She can be reached via wannorliza61@gmail.com