FAMILY bonding cannot just be during weddings, funerals and birthday parties. In fact, family bonding cannot be taken for granted, even among brothers and sisters, mums and dads.
Given today’s pace and challenges, families often have to sacrifice get-togethers as family members pursue their careers or businesses. Making ends meet seems to have priority over family gatherings.
One has to work on family bonding, in the same manner that one has to work to maintain and sustain any relationship. Just look at a typical corporate outfit.
There are office parties, team-building events, welcome and farewell lunches, and so on and so forth, as a means to get everyone together as a cohesive, efficient and productive unit. Team spirit improves and this is often reflected in the balance sheet.
It’s the same with families. If families bond well, the feeling of togetherness is enhanced and a caring attitude prevails. Much can be achieved if families bond well, networking being one of them. One need not go far to get help and guidance, in whatever form.
For more than a decade now, this is what Yong Rafidah Yaacob, aka Kak Yong or Mak Yong, is doing.
She is giving all her energy and waking hours to get her big family together in a bond that crosses states and districts, social and economic status and age groups.
Her determination is matched by the perseverance of a small team of family researchers, compilers and event organisers who has helped develop a family tree stretching over nine generations!
At annual family gatherings, there were a few occasions when 90-year-old matriarchs would sit with a 2-month-old baby, both grinning happily, toothless.
Yong Rafidah has worked as a broadcaster her entire life, having had stints as a news reader and doing her share of radio dramas. When she started her career, her place of work was called Radio Malaya.
It later grew to become Radio Malaysia and then expanded to be Radio Televisyen Malaysia.
Broadcasting and communication are in her blood, driven by her passion for paying attention to detail and perfection. She has little tolerance for excuses and zero tolerance to negativity.
Which explained how she fought the Big C and, with Allah’s grace, survived her battle twice.
She is now retired, only in so far as not going to office daily. Her time is spent tending to her cats and figuring out new and innovative ways to strengthen the bond in her big family.
She’s now in her mid-70s, surrounded by good neighbours, friends and relatives. Regarded by many as the unofficial boss and prime mover of the big family get-together, Yong Rafidah has worked tirelessly gathering details of her family to fill up the growing family tree.
In between nasi lemak sotong and teh O, Yong Rafidah, who rose to become the first woman to hold the post of deputy director-general (programming) at RTM, shared her story: “It was 14 years ago when we decided to get as many family members together. There were cousins and aunties and uncles and nephews and nieces who didn’t know that they were related.
“It’s important for them to know each other. We want to avoid possible complications in marriages, heritage and other family matters. So it’s not just about getting together for a photo session or kenduri. There’s a far larger reason for them to know each other.
“Many families take relationships for granted. They assume everything is fine and dandy. They meet during festival celebrations, funerals and kenduris. This is good, of course. But families should meet more often and make the extra effort to trace as many of them as possible.
“I don’t easily accept excuses when family members say they can’t attend big annual gatherings. I know everyone is busy. I’m busy too. But if you value relationships, then you must make the extra effort to attend. After all, it is only once a year!
“There is a growing trend for families to develop their own family tree. This is important. It teaches the younger generation to appreciate their roots and to realise how far and high (or low) they have gone.”
In the course of her work, Yong Rafidah was also sent for training with British Broadcasting Corporation in London, the United Kingdom, Seoul in South Korea and held supervisory positions in Terengganu, responsible also for Pahang and Kelantan. She had also been posted to Melaka and Johor Baru.
It is this exposure that has helped Yong Rafidah to be resourceful and this was put to good work in her pursuit of meaningful family bonding. She is now in the midst of getting the younger generation together to motivate them to keep the family closer together.
Her parting remarks yesterday: “We won’t be around forever. But we must leave a meaningful legacy to the young ones so that they too can appreciate the true value of kinship, trust, hard work and responsibility. If we don’t teach them, who will?”
Ahmad A Talib is the Yayasan Salam Malaysia chairman. He can be reached via ahmadt51@gmail.com, or Twitter: @aatpahitmanis