A man’s heart may not belong only to his wife. Even if he writes poetry about love that will make the flowers blush, even if he speaks words that will cause the sun and the moon to pause in astonishment.
For he is a wanderer at heart, always seeking and looking for that which is new to his eyes, and dew to his parched desires.
Even the religious man, or more suitably put, the one who thinks himself godly and others not, is always seeking. His gaze gallops here and there, as would a wild stallion in search of fulfilment.
Thus is a man drawn to this and to that which may be perilous to his wedding vows.
Andy Hui, in his wanderings, fell into a pit. Between him and Sammi there is darkness, and with him in the hole, doubtless, are more than a few men. Still, she has forgiven him.
“Would your companion forgive you for such folly?” Of this I was asked.
But of the question’s answer, we must needs wait a little while. There is another question that must be addressed first. If a man’s heart is forever on a journey, what hope is there for marital union?
Well, maybe there is.
HOMER’S LESSON
Odysseus told his men to tie him to the mast of their ship so that he would not go to the Sirens, whose seductive voices pulled at every sinew in his being.
This the faithful men did, but waver they did not when he implored them to free him so that he may be one with the ‘women’ on the island. They bound him even tighter instead.
An Aesop fable this is not. But even the Greek storyteller will agree the tale has a message. Odysseus’ men are our friends.
Our friends, if they be true friends, must tie us to the figurative mast when our loins bid us wander off to places treacherous.
And so it is that they, by action or omission, will chance the doom of friendship, or the doom of marriage. Which would you choose? Shackle your wandering friend who seeks to have an affair, or let him do as he pleases?
HOME LESSON
One of the extraordinary strangeness in many relationships forged by marriage is the lack of assurance and compliments.
A friend says his wife praises others more than she does him. Every deed accomplished by him is a duty done in the “contract” of marriage, he says of her attitude.
“Do you praise your wife, thank her, and speak comforting words to her too?” I ask him. He merely shrugs and meekly says, “I don’t think it will make a difference”.
Their union is more than 10 years old, but their friendship has not aged well. Is this not a common malaise in many marriages?
After 10 years, do you say to your wife, “How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves”? Or, “{L}ike a lily among thorns is my darling among the young women”?
Not everyone can sing the Song of Solomon, but the fact is, few women and men sing any song at all to their spouse. Not even an unadorned “Thank you” and “I appreciate what you have done”.
But many will hold disdain for the other’s imperfections. They easily feel the ‘ugly’ pulse of the partner’s paunch and prattle. Little else do they know. How, then, may a relationship not sour, and wandering hearts become ensnared?
HEAVENLY TRUTHS
Sammi, on Instagram, cited a biblical verse in forgiving Andy. It reads: “Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”
Underpinning those words is a deep reverence for the Creator. But there is also a verse that speaks of fearing the Creator. “The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom…”
Many men and women believe in this, to be sure. But they deny it, too. Is this the duality of human nature at work, or merely the biological animal that is in us?
Whatever the reason, it is a pity, both for the offending and wounded souls, that the fear of God has absconded. For it is the one thing that can keep the wandering loins in check.
If ever I fall into the hands of another,
Poetry and song will cease to be,
Fear and forgiveness an afterthought, why bother?
An untrustworthy heart, best it alone be.
The writer is NST production editor