AFTER finishing a tour in Afghanistan in 2013, Dionne Williamson felt emotionally numb. More warning signs appeared during several years of subsequent overseas postings.
"It's like I lost me somewhere," said Williamson, a Navy lieutenant commander who experienced disorientation, depression, memory loss and chronic exhaustion.
"I went to my captain and said, 'Sir, I need help. Something's wrong'."
Williamson's experiences shine a light on service members seeking mental health help.
Williamson, 46, eventually found stability through a monthlong hospitalisation and a therapeutic programme that incorporates horseback riding. But, she had to fight for years to get the help she needed.
In March, Defence Secretary, Lloyd Austin, announced an independent committee to review the military's mental health and suicide prevention programmes.
According to Defence Department data, suicides among active-duty service members increased by more than 40 per cent between 2015 and 2020. The numbers jumped by 15 per cent in 2020 alone.
In long-time suicide hotspot postings such as Alaska, where service members and their families contend with extreme isolation and a harsh climate, the rate has doubled.
A 2021 study by the Cost of War Project concluded that since 9/11, four times as many service members and veterans have died by suicide compared with combat.
The study detailed stress factors particular to military life: "high exposure to trauma — mental, physical, moral and sexual — stress and burnout, the influence of the military's hegemonic masculine culture, continued access to guns, and the difficulty of reintegrating into civilian life."
Austin has acknowledged that the Pentagon's current mental health offerings — including a Defence Suicide Prevention Office established in 2011 — had proven insufficient.
Last year, the army issued fresh guidelines to its commanders on how to handle mental health issues in the ranks, complete with briefing slides and a script.
But, daunting challenges remain. Many soldiers fear the stigma of admitting to mental health issues within the internal military culture of self-sufficiency.
The situation in Alaska is particularly dire. In January, after a string of suicides, Command Sergeant Major Phil Blaisdell addressed his soldiers in an emotional Instagram post . "When did suicide become the answer," he asked. "Please send me a DM if you need something. Please …"
US Senator Lisa Murkowski of Alaska said a posting to Alaska can be a dream for some, but it's a solitary nightmare for others that needs to be addressed.
The stresses of an Alaska posting are compounded by a shortage of therapists. During a visit to Joint Base Elmendorf-Richardson in Alaska earlier this year, Army Secretary Christine Wormuth heard from base health workers who say they are understaffed, burned out and can't see patients on a timely basis.
If a soldier seeks help, they often have to wait weeks for an appointment. It's not just in Alaska. Sergeant Antonio Rivera, an 18-year veteran who completed three tours in Iraq and a year at Guantanamo Bay in Cuba, acknowledges that he has serious post-traumatic stress disorder.
"I know that I need help. There's signs and I've waited long enough," said Rivera, 48, who is assigned to Fort Hood in Texas.
"I don't want my children to suffer because of me not going to get help."
He's doing yoga, but says he needs more. He's reluctant to seek help inside the military.
"Personally, I'd feel more comfortable being able to talk to someone outside," he said.
"It would allow me to open up a lot more without having to be worried about how it's going to affect my career."
For Williamson, she fought for years to get time off and therapy. Eventually, she entered a month-long in-patient programme in Arizona. When she returned, a therapist recommended equine-assisted therapy, which proved to be a breakthrough.
Williamson is a regular at the Cloverleaf Equine Centre in Clifton, Virginia, where riding sessions can be combined with a variety of therapeutic practices and exercises. Working with horses has long been a form of therapy for people with physical or mental disabilities and children diagnosed with autism. But, in recent years, it has been embraced for helping service members with anxiety and PTSD.
Associated Press writer Lolita C. Baldor contributed to this report
If you are feeling depressed or stressed, know that help is available. All you have to do is reach out. The Befrienders is an example of a place you can call if you have suicidal thoughts or feeling overwhelmed. They provide emotional support 24/7. For more info, visit www.befrienders.org.my or contact 03-76272929.
You can also contact Talian Kasih at 15999 (24/7), BuddyBear Helpline at 1800-18-2327 (BEAR) (daily 12pm to 12am), Mental Illness Awareness & Support Association (MIASA) at 1-800-820 066 (24/7), and the Health Ministry - Mercy Malaysia Psychosocial Support Helpline at 03-2935 9935.