A charity masquerade aims to highlight the stigma unjustly attached to depression and mental illnesses, writes Zuliantie Dzul
THE song by Rockwell was on loop. The deafening sound of the rain did little to drown my thoughts or ease the unbearable pain. It was half past midnight, but I couldn’t find sleep, not after losing someone I gave my heart to. For weeks, depression had been my best friend. I tried my best to conceal my real feelings, not wanting those around me to see how weak and vulnerable I had become.
Every day, I thought which mask I should put on. Yes, mask. Everyone is wearing one. Everyone has a mask that hides something at some point of their lives, especially shame and fear.
May 21 was the day the Depressed Supper Club held a dinner aimed at lifting that mask. It was also raising funds for the benefits of the Malaysian Mental Health Association (MMHA).
The theme for this event was “the masks we wear, the masks we hide behind”, which refers to the fact that most people with depression often hide their condition from family and friends behind an invisible mask.
DINNER FOR DEPRESSION
The Depressed Supper Club started with the Depressed Cake Shop, a series of pop-up stores in Kuala Lumpur, Ipoh and Penang, inspired by the UK-based initiative.
Datin Sabrinah Morad, who introduced the Depressed Cake Shop to Malaysia three years ago, is once again leading the campaign. It’s a cause close to her heart, having been brought up in a household affected by depression.
“I was quite young and it was all hush hush,” recalls Sabrinah of her ordeal having to live with her depressed stepfather. “He didn’t look physically unfit to me but he was quiet and withdrawn. My mum didn’t want to tell us what was going on with him. I did find out that he had depression after a while.” But not before all the taboos and “crazy talk” she had to endure by the people around her stepfather.
“People have a very strange perception. They saw him as someone who was incapable of doing anything, incapable of doing his job, incapable of love. Some even said ‘macam orang gila’ (like a madman), ‘orang buat’ (put a spell on him), and must do the ‘jampi jampi’ stuff,” she shares.
“I feel that if you don’t break away from that mould, if you keep living in that stigma, you can never address the problem. People with depression won’t be able to come out and seek proper help.”
A few months ago, Sabrinah wanted to spruce things up on the awareness front and decided to make the experience a more interactive one.
“I wanted it to be a street party, so people could move around. Most charity dinners are usually formal and involve sitting down and eating. If you have an informal platform, people will be more receptive to the idea,” explains Sabrinah. “I wanted something that could make an impact so guests will remember.”
MASK FOR THE MASSES
Five restaurants along Jalan Bangkung in KL played host to the Depressed Supper Club’s masquerade party, serving delicious cuisine and mouthwatering desserts.
By 8pm the lively atmosphere set in. Invitees from all walks of life started to fill up the tables under the white canopies. From afar, a group of buskers serenaded the guests with beautiful melodies while at one of the restaurants, guests were feasting their eyes on the dessert table. But there were no colours in sight. Instead they stood admiring the many shades of grey in the spread of cakes.
The bleakness and monotony of the cakes indicated a depressed state of mind. This ignited conversation among the guests on the subject of depression.
Some guests were already donning their mask of choice as a sign of support for depression sufferers, and to put an end to the stigma that still stands today — people with depression are often deemed “crazy” or “weird”. Nearby, mime performers mirrored how people with depression usually behave — keeping things to themselves and acting as if they are alright.
Not very far from the mimes are two caricaturists drawing a portrait of some of the guests. The caricatures look physically a lot like the people they were drawing, of course, but the intent of the portrait, as Sabrinah explains, is to showcase what we can’t see beyond a physical level.
“You can never know how they really feel inside. The artists can’t possibly draw your feelings. What they see is what they get. Just like how it is for people with depression. We can only see their physical appearance.”
INVISIBLE ILLNESS
“Depression is very common,” says MMHA’s secretary-general Datin Dr Ang Kim Teng. “Sometimes it is just not recognised. Some people don’t even want to think that they have depression.
Depression is an invisible illness. You can’t tell just by looking at someone. Most importantly, it can happen to anyone, no matter who you are and what you do,” stresses Dr Ang.
Wentworth Miller is an example of that. Recently, the actor’s heart-felt confession touched many netizens. Who would’ve known that this actor who rose to fame playing Michael Scofield in the hit series Prison Break was suffering from depression? It came to light when he chanced upon a viral photo of him carrying a bit of weight.
Despite the glitz and glamour of Hollywood, Miller was suicidal, confessing that he had been suffering from depression since childhood. He chose eating as a means of coping and ended up gaining a lot of weight. “Ashamed and in pain, I considered myself a damaged goods. And the voices in my head urged me down the path to self-destruction,” writes Miller on his Facebook page.
Miller didn’t give up. He broke out of his own metaphorical prison and came back stronger. He continues to share his journey, thoughts and motivational posts via his social media pages.
LIFELINES
“The biggest misconception about depression is a lot of people think that it’s an incurable illness. There are many stages of depression, and most of the time, with proper support and medication, they can be helped,” says Ardy Ayadali, the publicity director of Befrienders.
On average, Befrienders receives around 20,000 contacts in a year. “That means we get 50-70 calls per day,” explains Ardy.
“According to our statistics, the biggest percentage of those who contacted us have relationship problems, followed by psychological problems. Family problems come third.”
A national survey conducted by the Health Ministry in 2011 shows 1.7 per cent Malaysians aged 16 and above suffered from depression. “This number was low, compared to other developed countries such as the United States where it can goes up to 10 per cent,” explains Dr Ang. “But last year, another study indicated that 29.2 per cent or one-third of Malaysians age 16 and above found to have some form of mental health issues.”
Sometimes, what these sufferers need, according to counsellors and psychologists, is simply a shoulder to cry on. “If you see your friend’s behaviour suddenly change, make an effort to talk to him or her.
Find out if they are depressed. Encourage them to seek proper help. Don’t say, ‘just snap out of it’, or ‘don’t be so negative’,” shares Dr Ang, adding that keeping an open mind and being supportive are of great importance.
Considering the lack of awareness in our country, MMHA is going all out to provide supportive services to create greater awareness on mental wellbeing and illness in the community. “The public needs to be aware of what depression is,” says Dr Ang.
Ardy chips in: “Being depressed is not a weakness. As human, we all go through crises in life, and we all cope differently when faced with them. More exposure of the topic will help to create awareness and alleviate the sense of support to people suffering from depression.”
After attending the masquerade party, I find myself listening to the sound of the rain again. The wound in my heart is still there. But the tears are of yesterday. The mask I was wearing earlier sits in my drawer and it serves as nothing but a reminder of my struggles. I finally found the strength to take off the mask and show the world the new me, the real me, the stronger me.
As Wentworth Miller puts it: “Like a dandelion up through the pavement, I persist.”