IN any relationship, there are bound to be moments when feelings are hurt and hearts broken. The closer the relationship, the more painful the hurt. It’s just one of the downsides of the pursuit of happiness through a meaningful relationship.
Having said that, it doesn’t mean that we should be taking our relationships for granted. Whether it is between spouses, parents and child, with siblings, among friends or even colleagues, we should do all we can to minimise the being hurt and also hurting others.
We should find ways to protect our hearts, while at the same time taking great care not to hurt others.
STICK AND STONES
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”
This is a great idiom and also a reminder that we are actually a lot stronger than we think. We must learn how not to let words and actions hurt us. We must manage our expectations on how others should treat us. Everyone has his or her own issues, priorities and problems. Sometimes, the hurtful things they say are not necessarily directed at us but at themselves.
Other times, their own inadequacies and dissatisfactions are unfairly channelled in our direction. If we allow these to enter our system, we will be miserable. But if we strengthen our resolve and refuse to be bullied this way, no one can make us cry. We have a lot of power to deflect the negatives and focus only on the positives.
DON’T HURT OTHERS
If we don’t like to be hurt, please don’t be the one who hurts others. Chuck Norris once said “The best defence is not to offend.” I agree because once we offend others, the retaliations may be 10 times worse. Yet, many forget this and continue to be careless with their words and actions.
This is especially true for parents.
We are perceived as having authority over our children. But when we lose control, things can get ugly. They have trusted us to treat them in the best way possible, full of dignity and respect. When unsuitable words are used or harsh actions are taken, our children will be very badly affected. Feelings will be hurt and relationships dented. In extreme cases, they may even doubt that there is any love left in the relationship. Now, that would be a tragedy.
Hurting others and ourselves is very much within our control. Let’s be aware of the power that we have in this area.
Zaid Mohamad coaches and trains parents to experience happier homes and more productive workplaces. Reach him at zaid@smartparents.com.my