A RECENT advertisement caught my attention. It featured an interesting social experiment in which participants were asked to stare into another person’s eyes for four whole minutes. The idea is that it will help improve their relationships.
It involved people who were connected to each other, either through marriage or were family. This included an elderly couple, a younger couple, a daughter and her father, and two pairs of siblings.
Four minutes is actually a very long time to just stare into the eyes of a loved one.
But the results were almost magical. It forced the participants to look deeper into their relationships and rediscover the connection that they once had but is now taken for granted.
The man who was married to his wife for 30 years found it difficult to stare into his wife’s eyes for four minutes. In the end, he broke down and told her how much he loved her. The younger couple realised how much they missed the intimacy and connection which had been lost over the years.
Both pairs of siblings discovered how deeply they cared for each other, despite the differences in opinion.
A lot of tears were shed at the end of the experiment. It made me realise that deep down, we all have an innate longing to connect with another human being. This connection helps us feel that we belong, and that we truly matter in this world.
However, we get disconnected along the way. When our experiences in life make us push people away because of our own vulnerability or fears of being hurt, we isolate ourselves and reject the ones whom we love the most.
Yet we still long for that connection. Be it friends, family or our partners, in the workplace or community, it gives us meaning and purpose in life. Without it, our passion wanes and our will to live full lives dissipate.
In today’s world, where technology has advanced but leaves us feeling even more disconnected, deep and real connections matter more than ever.
Here are some ways you can stay connected to your loved ones.
SPEND QUALITY TIME TOGETHER
You may assume that you spend time with your loved ones because they exist in your life. You need to look within and ask yourself some thought-provoking questions:
• Are you truly spending intimate, quality bonding time with your loved ones, or are you simply going through the motions?
• How many times do you allow yourself to really listen to what is being said to you and respond appropriately?
• How often do you allow yourself to truly be in the space of the other person where 100 per cent of your attention is dedicated to them without external stimulants such as your mobile phone or television?
• When was the last time you stared into your lover’s eyes just to feel and connect with him or her?
This is a truly mindful experience for anyone who’d like to keep in touch and connect deeply with their loved ones.
LET GO OF SHAME
Many times we feel ashamed of our own bodies, the way it looks compared to other people. We’re brought up to believe that we are inadequate in comparison to others and made to feel we are not good enough.
This feeling of inadequacy leads us to accept the fallacy that we don’t deserve love from anyone.
We may not feel this on a surface level, but it forms part of our subconscious belief system that has been ingrained in us over the years.
The feeling of inferiority stems from wrong teachings by family, society, social media and advertising campaigns preaching that there is always someone out there better than you.
The best way to let go of shame is to have radical acceptance — accepting and loving yourself for who you are. If you’re not in total acceptance now, work towards it gradually.
CONNECT DEEPLY WITH YOUR SELF
Before we can truly connect with someone else, we need to fully understand ourselves — our needs, our strengths, our limitations, what we can and cannot do.
When we truly accept our ourselves, it opens up our hearts and that is the first step in enabling another person into our personal space.
They will be able to see us for who we are and connect with all our goodness and vulnerabilities.
Loving ourselves with all our glorious imperfections enables us to love freely and be loved by others in a connected, meaningful way.
**Well Being**
Jaime Shine empowers individuals on their road to wellbeing and transforma-tion through understanding emotional health and relationship dynamics. Contact her at jaime@heartworks.my