“Our eyes are not just viewers; they are also projectors that are always running a second story over the pictures we see in front of us.”
Isn't it delightful to hear a commercially successful comedian like Jim Carrey speak like a philosopher! Well I suppose Jim the actor was already a teacher telling stories on the big screen. Now it appears that Jim has added soul to form. There’s a presence, a deeper understanding, an expanded consciousness that comes through his work. Like you’re dealing with someone who knows.
Recently I spent time with a friend and I enjoyed the experience of being listened to so deeply that I was able to slow down and relax. “You really get me,” I smiled. Suddenly the “struggle” was gone. Suddenly I wasn’t so much in my head anymore. I relaxed into my body. It came to a point when there was nothing but space, thought, and emotion connecting us; no words were needed.
I caught myself doing the Jim Carrey thing — switching roles between listener and observer, then from participant to judge. It came to me like the whispers of angels — how delicate life is. For who has the power to bring back a moment in time, a single breath to the dead and deceased?
We have one chance at now. Now is when we create. We can build our best life, or we can rush around cutting corners, cluttering with complications. assuming, imposing, avoiding. Will we ever slow down enough to see and know ourselves and others?
Have you seen love? We may see lovers, but we feel love — and only then would we sense the change in our behaviour. Coming through love we relate with grace. There’s a softness in the eyes, in the way we understand.
Fact is, all our behaviour arises from our state. Wouldn’t we rather come from joy than be driven by fear, anger, and hate? We can choose! Imagine the world we’d create with that type of positivity. I believe we can each choose a space where we are most productive.
Talking about anger, someone blurted “You’re not a true friend,” after I said I needed some space to be by myself.
“Friends are there for each other through thick and thin, not just when it suits them,” she said. “Either you’re in, or you’re out. There’s no in-between.”
If only it were that simple.
“I guess not then,” I replied. Friendship, just like love isn’t just a label. It’s a decision, and I’m deciding that it’s not the right time for me with this person. “If this displeases you, it’s your stuff,” I said.
We’ve all judged, or felt judged. Doesn’t it immediately cast a shadow over the relationship? When I find it hard to preserve my integrity and wellbeing when I stay attached and connected to certain people, I’d rather discontinue and retreat. This is not to say that I’ve not done my best to heal and preserve those relationships, but sometimes it’s simply not healthy nor authentic to continue with them.
Unfortunately, my choices (which are made after great inner debate and to my mind, based on great courage) are often judged by others. “But you’re a coach,” “But he’s family,” or, “That’s what friends are for.” Most damning are those imprisoning guilt trips aimed at pinning shame on you.
It takes a highly-conscious person to step back and do “the Jim Carrey.” Who are you being in this moment is the question — observer, participant, judge, jury, executioner? How does that serve your highest purpose?
Think back to all those relationships you’ve ended or those where others left you. What’s the pattern been for your relationships ending? Before you dismiss me, think back.
Let’s get this straight — we are not bad people if we choose to say goodbye to people who hurt us: Abusive characters, etc. We have every right to preserve our emotional integrity. Nonetheless think. You will notice you have a pattern.
Oh fear will continue to play a role in your life for sure. I invite you to decide right here right now, how much of your life will you give away to fear. Up to now has it been more than 50 per cent? What has your fear cost you? How much more will you allow it to take?
Then ask, “What would it take for me to come from courage?” “What kind of support do I need to keep coming from grace, seeing through the eyes of love?”
Confused by too much advice
My family has been going through some problems. I have been receiving many visitors. Each one has some advice for me. They mean well but when I don’t do as they suggest, they get upset. I don’t really know what to do.
How lucky you are to have people visiting you during difficult times! That’s something to be grateful about, isn’t it? That they all care to offer their wisdom is great too.
The flipside is “look the other way” indifference. What’s your preference?
So who dictates that all this advice must be carried out? Who is the sergeant general who directs your life and makes you feel guilty for not following “the rules?” Whose rules are they, that these be followed otherwise “they” would get upset?
So here’s my mind-read. One of your problems is that you don’t know what to do when. That’s the cause.
Now we’re talking solutions. One of the solutions I heard proposed is that you know what’s right for you.
And to know what’s right for you takes you being comfortable in your own skin and really being still, long enough to know what would work and what wouldn’t.
That’s right. The main subject is You.
Your thoughts, your emotion belongs to you — that you should choose to be confused over what to do is yours.
Their emotion belongs to them - if they choose to get upset when you don’t take their advice.
Sixty four million dollar question: What do you want? Overcome problems? Okay, go quiet and know yourself.
Claim your self-confidence
I lost my self-confidence when the leader ridiculed me in front of the team. My work is my art and my life. When he rubbished me in public, it felt like being thrown into the rubbish heap. I haven’t been able to function normally since. How do I regain my self-confidence?
How does one get self-confidence in the first place? Who gives us our self-confidence? Where does it come from? Can we be confident about everything? Have you known someone like that? I would think they’d be pretty difficult to be around!
Self-confidence is when we feel we can do something relatively well, with enough ease. So it’s conditional and pegged to an activity. I’m a confident writer. I’m a confident speaker, a confident leader. Ask me to scuba-dive and, err not so much!
Now when your guy puts you down in front of the team, what happened right there? Say, he had authority to critique your performance. What happened? To him it probably meant he was doing his job, sharpening your skills. He was thinking, “smoothen rough edges to shine diamond,” and you were going, “You are stomping on my soul.” He was thinking, “Let me share this lesson with the team,” and you were going, “No, please don’t correct me in public, it’s embarrassing.”
Let’s look at changing your meanings. Let’s make them empowering ones. Change: Ridiculing/rubbishing to giving feedback. Change your relationship to feedback: Feedback ? Great for skill-building. Change: I felt like rubbish/my heart is bleeding. I’ll get over it, I’m strong, I’ll show them what I’m made of. No one can hold me down.
What does it mean, to “function normally?” If confidence comes from doing and you’re not doing, chances are you won’t feel confident for some time. And notice how self comes in front of confidence. That means we are responsible for our own confidence. No one is going to give it to you. You need to claim it for yourself.